[Herr D]

Did you ever feel like maybe your tastes belong to a MUCH smaller minority than you originally thought?
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2013hm/HerrD-Playbeing.png
Okay, okay: it wasn’t my favorite issue either but come ON!
*hd

[Herr D]

Wow. Was this one hard or was it something else?

Anyway, Keric. You didn’t just win. I have good news. She was made one of the page three girls. (If I were you, I wouldn’t necessarily show the ‘main attraction’ to too many.)
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2013hm/HerrD-Playbeing.png
. . .Yeah, the centerfold got two heart attacks, one aneurysm, and three strokes. I stopped showing it, and I’m looking forward to the next issue.

So which three now, Keric?

[Herr D]

[continuation of Chapter 4]

Incident tallies with footage detail

March 17: Medical Office Building incident. Construction crew [use no names per agreement — sources verified] reports new building south of town had ‘help.’ Three stud walls were lifted and nailed into place by what they describe variously as ‘dust devil’ ‘living fog’ ‘figure made of smoke.’ High wind sounds, trash scattered whole area ‘warm’ ‘warmer’ ‘oddly hot.’ Ten to twelve times as many nails used as necessary. Extra safety inspection declared okay and work proceeded. Stills only.
No bent nails or nails nailed anywhere but stud walls. Four nails almost out other side of wood like twister stories. Pic#4! Took between 2-4 min. Gusts of wind before and after had crew seeking cover from debris. Walls went up abt 4:50pm.

Jennifer pursed her lips. I remember that from the radio report. They sure took their time following up on THIS incident. She read on:
March 30th: Washington St. 2 1/2 blocks east of Chinatown. Three officers, one metermaid, two drivers, one passenger, six passersby same story. One totalled compact car had rear-ended large pickup. Tow truck arrived. Tow driver hurt hand, pausing. High wind sounds, trash scattered, one parking sign bent. Area became warmer. Tow truck locked itself, loaded itself with car, hooked itself to truck, drove away. Turned right on Ebert, left on Jefferson, right on Flowers, left on Polk. Crashed into condemned building at end of Polk, totalling tow truck. No pictures but of wreckage. No figure seen. Abt 6:45-7:10pm. No other injuries.

Jennifer frowned. I remember that day too. My bus was really late getting me home. I hate rush hour. This shouldn’t be hard to write up after all. Can Shelley REALLY not manage this? All I do is copy an old teleprompter feed and edit it to match. Sheesh. What’s next?

[Continued next block]

[Herr D]

My condolences. He sounds like a fine example. Pity he won’t be setting it any longer. My hope is that you and I and an unbelievably large number of people will aspire and become so high, that we will be remembered in such a complimentary fashion.

[Herr D]

Chapter 4: The Skinny On The Unknown

Shelley rapidly motioned Tia to sit down. Shelley then pulled her ‘extra’ dessert box out of her bag without anyone noticing but Jennifer and trotted up to the table where Jennifer and Young Mike sat. “May I borrow your pen?” she said to Jennifer.
“Sure.”
Shelley took the pen and pulled out a small notebook and a few photos. “If you’re really going to look at these names, why don’t you look at my rough draft to give you a sense of how accurate they are?” She looked significantly at Jennifer, pen poised.
Young Mike looked up from copying the list. He took the notebook and photos. “Neat! Pre-broken news.”
Jennifer peeked into the dessert box. Peanut butter pie?! Yecch! She shook her head. Shelley pursed her lips, then mouthed the words ‘Chocolate Pecan Pie.’ Jennifer nodded. Shelley took the pen to Tia’s table, wrote ‘Jennifer Duke’ on her own dessert box and swapped them. She opened the box just a bit and held it open as she walked past Jennifer. Jennifer nodded.
“Let me see that too,” she said to Young Mike. If I’m gonna proof this and have it to them by two, I should see it now.
He turned it her way. She tuned out Young Mike asking the others questions to read it. Alternately in Shelley’s and Tia’s writing it read:
Tia to practice WWWWW. I’ll add notes. 1. No name as yet. Not apparently a person–strange phenomenon. Two detectives baffled–source check? Yes. Yes. Yes.
2. Some pranks, some funny some vicious. See summary next page.
3. 1rst instance March 17th. Various instances in growing frequency through ‘verified’ May 9th, continuing. More specific
Usually in dim light just before dawn. Some early afternoon (2pm-ish) more often as closer to dusk. Very few in full dark and none in morning after full sun (9am-ish) ? Not morning person?
4. Centering on Backington’s ‘Chinatown’ but some incidents reported to Backington’s southern edge. All Washington Street and Main Street. Blue bus line? Does match the map.
5. No understandable motive. Avoid talking about it.

Oh, great, a complete rewrite from notes. Should’ve held out for more than one dessert.
Jennifer turned the page to look at the summary of incidents, barely breathing, just chewing and reading. It continued much like the previous page, but in neater handwriting:

[Continued next block]

[Herr D]

She loved Mardi Gras, especially when people would sing her name three times and greet her.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2013hm/HerrD-Heidi.png
And she set a record for most beads thrown back.

[Herr D]

She loved it when they sang her name three times and greeted her.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2013hm/HerrD-Heidi.png
And she set a record for most beads thrown back!

[Herr D]

Continuing with Chapter 3: Headline Deadline

By 12:30, everyone but David had put in at least two names. That’s when Young Mike walked in. Nguyen explained the bet as he walked to the refrigerator and got out his food, then trotted out, explaining that she had to leave work early.
“So,” he said, “I have a question. How do we present this to Mr. Crowe?”
“What do you mean?” I have a question for you. Why do you wear suspenders?
“None of us are supposed to bother him. Should we e-mail him?” Looks exchanged. David smiled.
“You don’t need to worry about that. You weren’t a part of the original bet.” Cheapskate.
Po raised a hand. “Did you say everyone in the lunchroom?”
“Doesn’t matter,” said Young Mike, “That means I give it to him.”
“What?” David frowned.
“I’m not a part of the contest. That means I have no stake in it. So I should give it to him.” Young Mike pulled a length of paper towel out of the dispenser and a pen from a pocket and began copying the list. “While I’m at it I’ll alphabetize them. That’s more fair.” He looked at Jennifer. “You’ll have to keep the original list so we’ll have a record of who thought up which names.”
Well, DUHH.
David frowned deeper. “You know you’re not supposed to disturb him?” Oh, you had a way to cheat in mind, didn’t you?
“It’s okay,” said Young Mike, “I have a meeting with him in about fifteen minutes.”
Shocked silence took over the lunchroom. David got up and walked out. Hah!
“If you don’t mind,” said Young Mike, “I’ll ask your opinions on which ones you think are best.”

[Continued next block]

[Herr D]

I’ve heard a lot of those. I’ve also heard of fathers researching convents. A surprising number of people have told me I’m a scary person–so I personally probably should say nothing and stare at a suitor for a daughter of mine. Silence does scare some people, I’ve noticed . . .

[Herr D]

Continuing with Chapter 3: Headline Deadline

“You’re talking about consistency,” muttered Tia. Ouch. Even the bimbo gets it. Where does that leave you, Davy-boy?
“I am.”
“Hey–yeah,” said Nathan. So now even YOU know it’s safe to agree with me, Nate? “There are other words for–you know, occult stuff. What’s a wraith?”
“Brandon Lee!” blurted out Shelley, “You know–his part in ‘The Crow.’ That was a wraith. My ex-boyfriend did a term paper on that.”
A what?
“I thought the crow just brought back a soul.” OMG Tia! Even Po smiled.
“Soul have weight? Can lift gun and wear makeup?” said Po. Well put, actually.
“Oh.” Tia began smiling too. David, however, was fuming.
“So you’d bet anyone would actually CARE what we call it. That we should google it till we get the technically correct name?”
Jennifer smiled widely. “I’m not done betting yet. Google is a good plan, but people care about accuracy less than they do a LOT of other things. I bet an in-kind lunch that this lunchroom can come up with THREE names that your uncle will like better. Before one-o’clock.”
“What” said David, “is an ‘in-kind’ lunch?’
I may have made that up?
“Well, you know I’m not unethical enough to bet what I can’t pay. So I bet that without leaving this lunchroom, anyone who eats lunch here today that comes up with two names that no one else does gets lunch. A sub from the deli if three names aren’t liked better by Mr. Crowe. Lunch from wherever you eat if he does.”
David frowned. “I may make more than you, but that’s a bit much. One appetizer or dessert per person.”
“It would be a hardship for me to pay for subs for NINE. An appetizer or a dessert from Cafe R.D.E. goes for what–fifty cents more?”
David frowned deeper. He picked up Jennifer’s bag and looked at the receipt stapled to the side. He raised his eyebrows. He handed her back the bag. “I’m not unethical enough to bet what I don’t have either. I could do lunches on Monday.” Yeah, right. You’re a saint.
Nguyen spoke up. “I’m not here on Monday, and I don’t like subs. What about sodas and chips from the deli against appetizers or desserts from the cafe?”
“Done.”
“Fine.” Jennifer smoothed the bag out, pulled a pen out, and began the list right on the bag.

[Continued next block]

[Herr D]

Chapter 3: Headline Deadline

The lunch room was empty when Jennifer walked in. She had barely taken her first bite though, when: @#&%*! Anchors away, PLEASE anchors away! What are they on about NOW?
“We do need pages by two,” said David Crowe, eyes all over Tia. OMG, Mr. and Mrs. Eggshell–pretty smooth outside, painfully fragile, and full of salmonella. “But I’m thinking we need to stress the followup and give it more in-depth later. That at least should ease the rush now.” He put Cafe R.D.E. to-go boxes in the fridge, pulled out his pen, and leaned on the table to write ‘nine a.m.’ in the three timecards he’d walked in with. Not even trying to hide it from me now, huh? “Do you think you can rough that out with your lunches?”
Tia and Shelley, holding their own to-go boxes, looked at each other. Tia, arching an eyebrow, reached into her bag, pulled out her dessert box, and quietly stuck it into Shelley’s bag without making a sound. David’s eyes were elsewhere on Tia. Shelley nodded.
“Yes, David. Pages by two. The only thing I’m not sure about is what we should call it.”
As Nathan, Stuart, Po, Nguyen, and Mike Claren walked into view, David blurted out “What’s wrong with ‘the Chinatown Ghost?'”
“Hah!” Oops. Everyone turned to look at Jennifer.
David clenched his teeth. “What’s wrong with that?”
Jennifer quietly took a rapid, deep breath. “For starters, that poll Stuart finished up says locals don’t react well to calling those three square blocks Chinatown.” She waved at him.
Stuart paled a bit. “Well . . . um . . . ” Oh, poor guy, did some of us look at you TOO? “Yes. That’s what we found.”
“Really?” David’s voice sounded flat. “Where is my copy?”
“I put it in your box last night,” said Stuart quietly. Uh oh, you weren’t sure they CLAIMED to be in this morning did you?
David’s eyes narrowed slightly. “I must have missed it. What’s wrong with ‘Ghost?'” He looked back at Jennifer.
“She doesn’t act like a ghost.”
“What?” David guffawed. Wow. If he just ridicules me in front of everyone, maybe he won’t push me. Just don’t ask–
“How DOES she act then?” He opened his eyes, craned his neck. Honesty always, from those wanting truth.
“Not like a ghost.”
He laughed again. “How does a ghost act?”
“She doesn’t haunt just one place. She doesn’t always look the same. She doesn’t always do the same things . . . ” You stupid *^$! “As long as you’re going to call her something, you should pick something that fits.

[Continued next block]

[Herr D]

A: Mercury does look blue-green to me. If you’re still not satisfied with Apollo, you might try making a separate flame for each finger. More work, but I would think that would be more realistic. Love your trio.

[Herr D]

I forgot to mention–my blood type is positive. Some guy asked me what my letter was. I told him that I never lettered in school. He gave me SUCH a look of contempt.

Not everyone can be great at sports . . .

[Herr D]

Congrats, Moog, on your new entry in the human race. It’s become apparent no one will win it anytime soon . . .

[Herr D]

Chapter 2: Enter The Draggin’ Engineer

At five minutes to noon, Po shuffled out from behind the main set, grumbling. Jennifer looked up. Is something COMPLETELY unfixable, Po? “Hi, Po. You okay?”
Po startled. “Hmp. Need two part.”
“PartSSS,” she hissed, smiling.
He smiled back. “PartSSS.” He has–at least half of his teeth.
“Good.” He must have been really cute back in the stone age.
He smiled again. “Pl-urrallSS are harder.”
OMG! “I didn’t know you were that quick, Po.”
“Have to be quick to figure out THIS junk.” Yeah. Got to be a scavenger to work for the Crowes! She nodded. “What you workin–What ARE you working on now, Jennifer?”
“I had this thought. When I put our logo on our footage to be sent out, I have to trim it so that it doesn’t look like it’s just pasted over important footage, right?”
“Right.”
“So I’m finishing a translucent image that can be put on the footage. You should be able to see right through it, but know it’s there. See?” She pointed.
“What that one?”
“What IS that one?”
“Yes. What is that one.”
“That’s the original image of the fountain mid-cycle. I looked at it, but I can’t make it translucent enough. So I’m using the logo itself and just generating a translucent version.”
“Pity.”
“Why?”
“Real water always more pretty.” Po reached out, took the mouse, copied the image to yet another box on the screen.
“Wha–” Rude. What’s got him so excited?
“Important part of phi-llosss-ophy. Everything contains opposite. Light you see is darkness inside, darkness you see is light inside.” What is he– He opened the proprietary graphics program and clicked and rolled the mouse so rapidly she couldn’t follow it. “Water is element. It is pure and so we see good and bad clearer.” The image in Po’s box looked completely blank. Then he pulled down a menu and clicked ‘delete original image.’ Suddenly the negative of the image appeared.
WHAT?! “What was that?”
“If image already prepared, a negative over it can cancel it. This program neat that way. Young Mike teach me this.”
Mike? He can use this? “Huh. Neat. Pity it would be so big of a file. That’s a neat idea, Po, but that would only be good for a few frames. It would overload our server to send doubled footage.”
Po nodded. “Many ideas are only good once.” And shuffled over to the freight elevator, got on, headed down.

[Author]

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