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“Mr. Hassan? Yes, this is Judy from the clerk’s desk. We spoke earlier about your St. Bernard’s stolen collar? It WAS ‘Gustave,’ wasn’t it? Yes. . . . I have good news! An exotic lizard brought it in with a note on the back of the collar. The note said that the lizard’s owner found it and wants one for his lizard. –What? No. The man didn’t come in. He must be a great animal trainer even though he can’t spell. I accepted the collar on your behalf, so you can pick it up later. It’ll be right here at the desk!
No–I’ve never heard of a trained lizard either. But I don’t know anything about exotic species. I sent him back out to wherever his owner was parked with a note directing him to apply to the proper authority. They’re in the downtown location, you know. Have a nice day!”
*OPMC
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“We found it in The White Rock Canyon Maze. No supplies or tracks. I scratched a crude map back to the road where we found it, just in case it was a marker. Left my initials. Let them come and claim it. I’ll give them a season. Doubt they’ll make it. This map wouldn’t have told them about the OTHER dangers out here . . . Probably already dead.
*maps
“The Night Tessla Discovered Razor Wire” Tessla, the Magnanimous Magnetic Man, had an incident of, as the press put it, “environmental interference with his heroics.” Thanks to the Rapid Response Team and the efforts of Dr. Stephanie Coxcomb, he is expected to make a full recovery. The good news is, they didn’t need the MRI machine to image him. He did that for them for free and paid for his medical bills in kind by imaging twenty other patients. Why twenty? The legal department had to draw up several special forms . . .
*Pre-pair2Pose–Winnah!
(Just in case anyone’s wondering, Tessla’s pose is one that everyone winds up in when they try to fit in human form for the first time. Dr. Coxcomb may have scoliosis and a deformed arm, but I couldn’t find good source material and don’t do surgery ‘that often’ myself. That is to say, I ran out of time trying to make her look right. Also, a recent sociological poll online revealed that more medical students have received spinal tats in the past two years than have in the past three decades.)
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Comics are nearly mandatory to actually COMPLETE once in a while.
*pop-phone
“The Streets Are ROUGH Man” is a not-so-insightful peek into the difficulties of inner-city transportation.
*OPMC
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Sometimes it’s rough, having an imagination. The only way to focus well enough to produce a picture of armor for a contest was to edit the rest out.
“Because Ty The Tyrannosaurus Wrecks”
*Armor Wars
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. . . but THIS is how it really ought to look.
“Saurian Economics”
Gak! Falling behind in posting! [winds up and throws . . . ]
“When Dave Drove The Hovercraft Thru The Cafe” Yeah, title probably says it all.
*pop 3i
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This particular section of the Flood-Damaged Scroll in the Archive Of Swirra The Studious depicts the legend of the Threesinger. A flighted lizard with a prehensile tail, the Threesinger was unique in that never fought or participated directly in any violence, using its surprising speed to dodge any attempt to hunt it, even by ambush or crossbow bolt. Its crest functioned as a sort of sound baffle and noise directer. Its three wings could propel it through any complicated maneuver. Its three horns and springy tentacles would depict, musically, the actions of those it observed. One to three individuals or groups could be emulated simultaneously by such thematic music. The legend says that the Grey Cardinal was repeatedly insulted by the occasional sour note played by them in his presence and so drove them from his province by hiring Eric The Deaf as a minstrel. They left en masse and have not been sighted since. This entry in the folio shows examples of runic musical symbols complete with color denotations of timbre–very rare indeed.
*music
“War Came By” had some interesting limitations. The items were odd. The Dr. Who console became part of the rotor support, a Klingon weapon became part of the stanchion on the same helicopter because I somehow imagined it was on the list, the item that really WAS on the list in its place became a missile and half the chopper body, and the dinosaurs became land. Not oil–land.
*OPMC
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On the lighter side, “Sole Train” depicts how trains might get better mileage. Ingredients from RightFoot except for a few insignia circles I masked to.
*pop-train
Sticking to the lighter side for this next post, djuby had this neat pop quiz to design a bicycle for the ‘wrong’ era and make it fit. So I conceived of the ‘Sincycle.’ Adam and Eve have to find their new homesite, right? What better way to travel than to wrestle that troublesome serpent into position, saying that if he wants to get beaten less, he’ll act as a tire for them, never wimping out on getting spoke-poked, or he’ll get shredded by the works and protruding branches? They’ve already eaten his recommended fruit, so–now it’s humanity’s turn to mess with HIS life!
*pop-bike
. . . and back to creepy. This is an Escherian loop, reminiscent of Escher’s “Drawing Hands.”
I happen to think that this one is also commentary on the darker side of “Teamwork,” its title.
I can’t remember, but I think this one was an entry in a competition about use of Companious.
*blog
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Any cup that has a built-in set of manacles so you can’t drop it is probably designed for A PRETTY STRONG DRINK. Preventing droppage or throws during — throes. One example is the “Chalice Of The Wereserpent Priestess.” Most people, when they say, “Look, no hands,” don’t mean the results of this drink.
*pop 3i
“We all thought One-Legged Dave had gone nuts, what with losing his leg to the monsters. He burned out a power drill winding up all that copper into the black trash chute lining and stole a car battery we were going to use for another car. He was moving stuff from one end of the old dock to the other when THEY came back again. Everyone else on the dock dove into the water. Not him! He pulled out that “coil gun” as he called it later, plugged it into the car battery, and opened that box of metal parts he’d SAID he needed to fix engines. He just waved that tube on a stick around and the steel sprayed the monsters. Poked holes in ’em and brought ’em down. Then he wheeled up to them, waved it just right, and collected the nuts and bolts and iron filings and bits of flatware and fishhooks and broken knives into a bucket of oil. And back into the monsters that were still moving. Then he dipped it down into the water and sprayed the metal he’d missed with back into the bucket. Waved it again and tore the metal out of the ones limping at him into the others coming at him.
“He got nearly sixty of ’em BY HIMSELF. They couldn’t see him very well with the fog rolling in, and his weapon is completely silent. Just the screams of the dying monsters. Dave said later he gets somewhere over twice the flux of an old MRI unit with the right power and all those coils. I guess he knows–I can’t follow him when he talks physics.”
*weapon
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The “Dob” beetle is too fast for regular shutter speed on a regular camera, as evidenced by this blurred image. Migratory and British invasive, , this specimen was headed back to where it once belonged in the most unusual weather, a tangerine sky. It normally infests the Sergeant Pepper plant, but will accept lotus, discarded polyester or vinyl, or acid-washed denim. Has a noticable aversion to rye.
*pop-spmdob –This effect was produced by typing “Sir P. M. 6-18-42” in various fonts, stretching and shrinking and spinning and layering and coloring them. Djuby SAID to use that information to make the image–I used almost nothing else.
Verily did the Conqueror One leave the firmament of this realm under the power of the seven dragonmages. Zordina, the Amazon giantess had inspired the villagers to agree that if there really was a world without magic connected to that moon, that it would be theirs for the taking.
And so they did launch the newly made skyship after the stars which she said were their campfires they ate at as they laughed at us. But it was not long before the Trouble set in.
Someone had picked, among the pixies, a half-pixie-half-SATYR, who incorrectly assumed that Zordina would be complimented by himself acting upon unexpressed amorous affections suddenly and in the darkness of the privy, by surprise.
She was not, as he hoped, complimented. Nor was the male human complimented by the half ogre male making similar advances toward him atop the human’s food. Nor was the . . .
*fantascifi
@JR: Wow! You never read my post #1? Those twisted light bulbs! Compact Fluorescent Lights!
. . . wait–do they have those in the U.K.? I favor incandescents, since I’m allergic to fluorescence, but I’m one of the lucky ones. UV lenses are enough to keep me from migraines.
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“The one thing I’ve noticed about conducting vocalists in every galaxy I’ve been to . . . the sopranos are ALWAYS too concerned about their appearances.”–Maestro Ynthi
*OPMC
@JR: Have a look at the post #1 on this thread–because now I want to know what they’re called over there!
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The pop quiz gave me THIS:
It just screamed ‘full cover’ to me . . .
On an interesting side note, further proof that you can’t please everyone? ‘Eskimo’ as a word is offensive to use in some countries, including sometimes in Canada. It is offensive to NOT use Eskimo in Alaska and many other parts of America, however, so good luck offending fewer people, everyone!
*pop–rnd
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