Herr D's CFLs

[Herr D]

Hoerst was half Prussian, half Swiss, and all clock maker. A hundred years ago he made his way to certain Japanese islands, learned (and mislearned) a fair amount of oriental culture, and made an exquisite, hand-carved jade inlay pendulum desk clock. He knew nothing about Buddhism, animism, or anything like that.

After a hundred years’ faithful service as a timepiece, the Zorigami awoke just in time to hear someone at the auction house say the unfortunate phrase “beat the clock.” His understanding of English idiom was not very good, and, even more unfortunately, the whetstone laying beside him on the table was very good indeed.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/HerrD-Zorigami_zps68b78ad9.png

*mc

[Herr D]

“Hairy Deewon asked me what this meant. I told him it was a blessing of unity equivalent to ‘shallots’ for carrots. He said the driver wasn’t a redhead, but that maybe the driver liked redheads. This misunderstanding is my fault, but you’ll never know how good it felt to be the one who understood people better than the other one in the conversation.”

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[Stulte]

The clock is excellent and the story of it is hilarious

[Herr D]

@Stulte said:

The clock is excellent and the story of it is hilarious

Why, thank you! Recreating Japanese numbers was easier than I thought. Sunni D gave me some advice for which of the numerous dragons to use in the jade carvings. I’d never heard of a zorigami before the contest . . . it was a fun one.
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Bit of a cliche . . . ‘That girl was on fire’ landmark after apocalypse.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/HerrD-ThatGirlWasOnFire_zpsa050e3b1.png
*apoc

[Herr D]

Some started calling him ‘Gallango’ or ‘Longbill’ because they didn’t notice the broken beak part of his insignia. Few people got the inside joke at first or understood just how narrow a specialty he had until a pattern emerged in his heroics. Preventing assassination DID make him famous fast.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/HerrD-TheBrokenSnipe_zps27485852.png

My list:

The Broken Snipe
The Terrific Lion
The Blue Falcon–already copyrighted
The Proud Guard
Agent Majestic Illusionist
Kind Fighter
Chief Fancy Antman
Accidental Puma
Quantum Commander
Iron Assassin
*rnd

[Herr D]

Surprise! I got hooked on another name from the random list–that never happens.

When the manor was broken into and the lord killed, Scotland Yard WAS immediately dispatched. When they arrived, the butler showed them something horrifying. Lady Harrington had apparently been kidnapped, as well. She had been trying to catalog the stolen antiques. (Beekeepers gear, ninja tabi, and irons.) Apparently, before the investigation had even begun, an unknown vigilante broke into an illegal exporting operation, concussed several suspects, and bludgeoned to death the leader of the illegal operation after subjecting him to numerous serious steam burns. The man, during interrogation, hand-wrote his confession for ordering the break-in along with an apology. Lady Harrington was found, apparently just having been released by the vigilante, in a disoriented state. The missing antiques were not recovered, and the recently dubbed, “Iron Assassin” has not been discovered despite being photographed just once by the assassinated fence.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/HerrD-IronAssassin_zpsfca99279.png
*rnd2

[Herr D]

Slightly-deaf Maude was a nice old lady in her day and ahead of her time–she was considered backward when it came to technology, but understood at least a little bit about how it might affect people.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/SlightlyDeafMaude_zps054338e7.png

*OPMC

[Herr D]

I may have lived in this area too long . . .

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/Group_zpsfe0fee92.png*

[Herr D]

I realized too late that ‘castanets’ weren’t evil techniques used against sea life, so I didn’t make her expression happy and friendly enough.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/Chica_zps02061fc1.png

*Khc
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[Herr D]

A hero designed originally by a genius six-year-old might, unfortunately, always look like it was designed by a six-year-old–here’s hoping.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/HerrD-PinkPineappleAndCoconut_zps43bf6116.png

*PD

[Herr D]

Tuavo successfully raided the enemy camp, counted coup with the leader AND his greatly-feared daughter. She then stole a leaper and escaped despite enemy salvos.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/Tuavo_zpsadb98b64.png

Such things ensured her place in legend.
*OPMC

[Jeimuzu]

Awesome! You have such a splendid imagination. Tuavo truly looks legendary.

[Herr D]

Thanx, J!

Identity theft and vehicle identification fraud can lead to being ‘misprofiled.’

It can also lead to unpleasantness.
*2gtsf
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At an art gallery downtown, occasionally there is a break-in. All the would-be art thieves or vandals die of odd wounds and paralytic neurotoxin before security can ever reach them. “The Jellyfish” once left a note to one of the older security guards, claiming that his “translucency suit had a fault and the welts on the miscreants would stink more.” The tone of the note was apologetic. Staff have been rotated twice without a noticeable change in the vigilante’s actions.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/HerrD-JellyfishAtTheGallery_zpsc8138728.png

The footage hasn’t been much help either.
*pop-animal
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Some things are much more scary by comparison . . .
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/HerrD-TheLeader_zpsf32c5e71.png
*v
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I was just going to make this for Hairy, but he said I should post it here too:
A satirical, if not political, cartoon.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/law_zps3878621b.png
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Creeping out people sometimes requires special installation of the right mask.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/HerrD-MaskNeedsAHammer_zps71bae513.png
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Supposedly the hoop skirt was popularized to help hide a noblewoman’s TAIL.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/hoop_zpsc720b6e3.png
*kHc

[Herr D]

“–yew swabbies! I wager yew’re thinkin’ about yer lot in life! Some of ye have heard of my former first mate, Squinty McGee. Some of ye have heard he committed mutiny. LIES! Lies, I tell ye! We were lost at sea and not a stirrin’ of wind nor a star to steer by. The very waves seemed to flatten out and die of exhaustion. We’d had no rest for nigh on two days battered about by the sea, so ye MIGHT think we’d all have been GRATEFUL. Old Cap’n Skinner had gone to his cabin right before the storm ended, mutt’rin’ to himself how he just wanted peace. Some of us were thinkin’ to celebrate and sent a cabin boy to ask after some grog when we found the captain had up and died too. It was hot as blazes as we buried ‘im at sea, soundin’ a cannon out of respect for his service. The cabin boy was hysterical as an old dog losin’ its master, mutt’rin’ that ‘e just wanted to be home again. Such anguish he had, that he must have jumped over the rail. We noticed him missing and even cast nets in after him but saw not a sign. Only Skinner’s old pipe was found next to the rail where the boy must’ve dropped it.

Well, Squinty had suddenly found himself runnin’ the ship, and yew might think he’d have felt grateful for that, and the bit of easy weather we were suddenly havin’. Not he. He called for me, just a swabbie like the lot of you and asked me to have a smoke with him. He handed me Captain Skinner’s old pipe, having tamped it full of fine tobacco such as I haven’t tasted since. He asked me was there anything I wanted. I was a bit surprised by this, and I told him that I was grateful for all I had. Then he asked me again.

I was a bit worried then. Perhaps he wanted someone to speak out so that he could punish someone and startle the others into working harder. I thought maybe I would be well served to give him a bit of praise. I told him that I’d like to know more stories to tell, so that I might be as interesting as himself. He scoffed at that, smacking his parrot around and behaving in a very rude fashion indeed. He told me to try telling one, as if maybe to judge what would be wrong with it. I thought then maybe he was afraid of being captain.

I made up a story about a genie. A genie that punished cruelty and rewarded gratitude by turning about things in a sudden fashion. Poisons becoming food. Cruel people becoming beleaguered. Nice people being rewarded. Lost ships becoming found. I don’t remember the story at all, but it must have been a good one. Acting Captain Squinty McGee took the pipe right out of my mouth and said he wished it were true. He stomped around into the captain’s mess as the strangest storm hit us that any of us had ever seen.

Four men were lost right off, carried over by the first wave no one saw coming. The lookout didn’t answer our call, perhaps having dove in to save the cabin boy. I’d swear to you the rain looked like it was falling UP, and when the storm cleared out, we were within sight of a friendly port. The sails were in shreds, and the cook was mad as a hatter. We found out, by the time we made port, that he’d been feeding us gunpowder to keep our strength up. The ship was scuttled, since we had to break up so much of the masts to row ashore to save the cargo. The strangest thing is that we never found Captain McGee. The mess was locked from the inside, and the pipe had burned itself to bits.”

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/TurnaboutForSquintyMcGee_zps9cb17815.png
*OPMC
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[Herr D]

Got secrets to bury? Don’t want to be listened in on?

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/AcmeNoiseShovel_zps331167d3.png

I have this one, never been used, barely out of the packaging–hey, it was advertised as a stereophonic cardio workout equipment module!
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One of the earlier Terran hits on W-H-A-T radio.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/HerrD-OEOHFPPE_zps5871ccfa.png

Inspired by: http://www.ask.com/youtube?q=one-eyed+one-horned&v=Rx47qrH1GRs&qsrc=472
*music
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What the two-party system means to some . . .
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/StateOfTheUnion_zpsc50191c3.png
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