Herr D's CFLs

[Herr D]

“Mr. Rielsehn?”
“Who are you?”
“I’m Brian, the temp who’s supposed to prepare the books for audit? Today’s my first day, and I’ve already found a problem. Several of these budgeted items make no sense at all.”
“Oh. Well, by all means, read them to me. I’m legally blind, but I know the business–I’m sure I can remember them if you prompt me.”
“Okay–“
“Have a seat, son; get comfortable.”
“Uh, okay. Ahem. –The seven company vehicles are listed as having their engines removed ten months ago, but then their transmissions reinforced, then they’ve been insured, registered, and listed as providing transportation, needing tires and brake maintenance as recently as this week.”
“That’s all?”
“What? Um. No? I also notice that you have properly funded all twelve buildings of this rehab clinic in every way but one. You have no therapies listed except a combination of sedatives.”
“Sleeping cold turkey.”
“Y-yes.”
“Anything else?”
“You have employees dubbed ‘shamanistic painting crew’ being paid as withdrawal experts, detox nurses, building and vehicle maintenance, AND security. Large quantities of paint purchases are categorized as detox medications and paintbrushes as hospital equipment. You have all the rooms in all the top floors listed as ‘fuel repositories.’ You have budgeted for water, phone bundling, and trash removal, but the generators you have to power your facility have no money for FUEL.”
“These problems you’ve found aren’t problems, Brian.”
“How can they not be problems, sir? Your budget makes no sense at all!”
“It’s a matter of conversion. Fuel is being extracted directly from the process of detoxifying the patients, from causing them to sleep through ‘the horrors’ or what some professionals have referred to as delirium tremens. The fuel is captured and channeled by the shamanic painting crew, and powers the generators and vehicles. Take a look, if you like–just open that door and climb the stairs . . .
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/NightmareInTheAttic_zps09ea9295.png
. . . I calculate seventy-seven horsepower for every nightmare!”
*3/18/14blogFreeForAll

[Herr D]

Kobolds were creatures that sometimes lived in rock the way we live in air, according to medieval miners. Some of them stole mining equipment, caused cave-ins, warned miners of impending cave-ins, led miners to veins, stole ore, and occasionally claimed wages or sacrifices offered them to behave or assist. Various traditions referred to them as bluecaps, knockers, etc.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/KoboldStealingAPick_zps0f9029d2.png
–Of course, some of them helped sailors instead and may have shared ancestry with dragons?
Ah, well, the biosphere for living ON land ‘in the air’ is a lot smaller than the one for living inside rock, so we wouldn’t exactly find them easily . . .

[Hammerknight]

Great stuff.

[Herr D]

Thanx! As a point of curiosity, what do you all like better between posts 344-347 and why?

[Hammerknight]

They are all good designs.

[Herr D]

If you haven’t checked out the blog today, do so!

With the Creators Club poster up on the blog, I won’t be blowing the surprise by posting my entry separately.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/MIBcardSYSTEM_zpse4843276.png
My favorite deck of Men-In-Black-Avoidance Cards. Blue eyes, charcoal suit, etc.

Thank you again, HK. Hopefully I’ll have more time to create, browse, and comment soon.

[JR19759]

I know I’ve already given you a Certificate of Geniusness for that CC entry, but as you made the certificate for me, you can have it again.

[Trekkie]

Hm, nothing suspicious about that CC entry. A man in a suit, shirt and tie, red and blue tentacles… Completely normal.

[Myro]

Nice try, Lovecraftian horror. You almost got me there.

[Stulte]

I’m with JR19759. That is really ingenious.

[Herr D]

@JR & Stulte: Thanx, guys!

@Trekkie: That’s why it WORKS, man! It’s a good deck.

@Myro: I just wanted a swatch from YOUR suit to try making another deck. It’s lovely. No, really–humans are MUCH too salty for me–I mean–
I don’t eat people . . .

[Herr D]

Soot is guarded very closely. He is under strict instructions NOT TO MOVE AT ALL unless sent to a bad guys’ hideout. He is signalled to halt AND NOT TO MOVE from the rubble until a new hideout is discovered. The story goes that he once went to Hell and was charred completely black before the devil kicked him out for being truthful and accidentally ending too many high-ranking demons.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/SootArrives_zpsc73bbb28.png
That’s bound to be an exaggeration fueled by his smelling of sulfur and being so clumsy . . .

*KHc in error.

[Herr D]

Ever been late for the party of the year? You don’t get in the way of a pizza being delivered, a horse headed for his barn, a levee overflowing, or Kate late for Mardi Gras.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/LateForMardiGras_zps842901d3.png
*KHc

[Herr D]

Of all the things I miss about working, I miss most seeing those reasons to smile that far too many people ignore.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/ServiceWithASmile_zps5a0a161e.png

Food services is one of the careers I’ve heard the most complaints about, but seeing people enthusiastic to get food makes me think it must be worth it some of the time.

[Herr D]

It always struck me that fire-fae would be more fun in a jar than fireflies.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2014hm/HerrD-ChartreaRedoKaldathCRC_zps8b23bafd.png
Of course, they’re bound to be more dangerous . . .
*KCRC-Charthea

[Author]

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