Herr D's CFLs

[Herr D]

Thanx, guys! [gill area turns dark purple] I know, though, that owning a marina-size tank is cost-prohibitive for even the richest chess player. Add that to the cost of waterproofing the remotes, and I’m sure no one could afford it. Naturally training them for REAL would be too difficult–ever try to teach a prawn? The good news is that if all those other problems are licked, we do know how to induce albinism and stain hides and dermises!

Like for this white bishop.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/ChessPieces/HerrD-WhiteBishop_zpsbc7c2e7e.png
He would probably be Roamin’ Catholic.

[Herr D]

. . . and this black bishop. Please refrain from any jokes about black masses.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/ChessPieces/HerrD-BlackBishop_zpsc43fb7c5.png

On a side note, if you don’t mind gross, campy, and anatomically and politically incorrect animated violence, Yahoo / Games has something called Ultimate Chess. I confess I find some of the sequences amusing. I realize that queens would never dress that way and some of the fighting has ridiculous results, but it is goofy enough that I played till I’d seen every permutation. Must have taken me six games, if you count do-overs. It was tempting enough that I did lose to it on purpose twice.

[Herr D]

Only one kind of fish looks brutish enough to be as powerful as a rook but still looks diverse enough to be traveling in exactly four directions at an instant’s notice. It’s a matter of how you look at it. Or how your eyes point. Oh, whatever.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/ChessPieces/HerrD-WhiteRook_zps864f2f6a.png

[Herr D]

Black rooks are kind of important for capturing pawns. This one keeps a net handy.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/ChessPieces/HerrD-BlackRook_zps01f7e0c0.png

[Herr D]

. . . you need a strong leader for this kind of bunch. The White King could never have gotten this battle started without being willing to throw his weight around–and use some mental, uh, prowess?

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/ChessPieces/HerrD-WhiteKing_zps9859b299.png

[Herr D]

. . . and the Black King’s motto? Psionically control your minions softly and carry a big anchor!

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/ChessPieces/HerrD-BlackKing_zps80ae90ad.png

[Legatus]

Wooohoooo…. that is just awesome!

[Herr D]

Thanx, Legatus. The queens are going to be a bit longer.

[Herr D]

The White Queen is rather unhappy about her shield failing . . .

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/ChessPieces/WhiteQueen_zps0a1b37a7.png

In her case, she has to hope that a good offense is the best defense!

[Herr D]

The Black Queen has had a few scraps with the white rooks–lost most of her fins.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/ChessPieces/BlackQueen_zpsbf64997a.png
Her new lockblade fins are as deadly as her ray gun.

[Herr D]

**Well, that’s it for the chesspieces. Now back to your regularly scheduled insanity. **OPMC

The head of maintenance for Taurus’ Slots Of Smiles Division is generally a very happy man. Taurus slot machines are the most maintenance free in the industry, including from Vegas. Usually when they are shipped back for unfixable problems, he comes in the next day to discover that the casings are loose. Just loose. He re-fastens them and ships them out. His salary pays him enough to work full-time but he just never needs to. The one thing on his mind is that he can never find the fur neck pillow the CEO gave him. Blue and green animal stripes. Ugly pillow, but it was good for napping in his chair.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2013hm/HerrD-MissingPillow_zpsc5ac9b82.png
Really, he needs to find that pillow before the CEO visits next week. Where IS it?!

[Herr D]

Before gladiatorial combat was outlawed in a certain galactic way station, the proprietors of a certain ‘establishment’ began making their cells out of light panels to prevent escapes and using magnetic cuffs and clamps as restraints so they could detect immediately anyone getting loose. Shown here in his cell is a still from footage between rounds of an amphibious arthropoid of uncertain intelligence. His comfort requires carbon AND silicon base proteins, preferably raw, and moisturizer for his shell–Silica-gel-spiked acetone seems to work best. This particular contender has not been released, as his origin completely baffled his rescuers. That and the fact that all records concerning him are the only records missing.

http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2013hm/HerrD-BetweenRounds_zpsde051379.png

Of course, the fact that he apparently snacked on his opponents doesn’t help . . .

**gladiator contest

[Herr D]

*dr
A U.N. diplomat was meeting in secret with an extraterrestrial to establish a friendly first contact when the Blue Band Of Ruffians and the Tandroids attacked a nearby city. The alien asked the diplomat what measures would be taken. The diplomat tried to be offhanded, saying that [things] “would all be better” [if] “that baleful lot were caught up in a purple haze because some hero emerged to handle them.” The alien said simply, “I accept your terms.”
The alien demonstrated her misunderstanding aptly. She blanked the memory of the entire security contingent for the day, then blanked the diplomat’s memory of all but those words. With a secret identity in place, the alien arrived on the scene wearing a superhero costume and proceeded to “bale up the lot in purple hays.” No one bothered to correct the alien’s grammar. No one has been able to duplicate the purple proto-matter fibers that she uses. Now known as ‘Purple Hays,’ this new alien superhero alternately emerges to handle various random crises and reposes aboard her mother ship in low orbit.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2013hm/HerrD-PurpleHays_zpsed3b8389.png
World leaders have privately agreed to leave this matter to the U.N., since only criminals have ever been affected. The U.N. has been debating what to do about this ‘situation’ for three months. They have not agreed to speak to the press.

[Herr D]

Really, the warranty sometimes means everything. This suit is the best of the best. Microporous polymerized vinyllulose outer layers with a framework of nanite regeneratable coral means a realistic texture and ordinary range of motion. It could be accessorized for thermal regulation or strengthened or even given ‘blood packs,’ but, in my experience, you should always avoid damaging it to avoid detection.
Here, the fasteners failed (wardrobe malfunction) because of a mugger. Baseball bats will always be legal in the United States.
http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u438/jamais5/2013hm/HerrD-EDGARSuit_zps9889871a.png
But I’m fine–I just pulled my limb out when the mugger swung and gave him a look at me instead of my wallet. He’s being treated for some sort of psychotic break in the county facility. The ‘Earth Dweller Growth-Analogue Repository Suits’ have a much catchier name in the original Gluppalubbian.

**suit contest
*

[Delirious AL]

Every time I see your name, I end up having to talk like the Swedish Chef from the muppets for about 5 minutes.

[Author]

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