Community Effort Idea

[JR19759]

@Iscarioto said:

On prswirve’s timeline idea, I actually think, while I’m not rooting for it, that there is no reason the timeline could take place over years, the nature of our entries lends itself slightly to that, there is no reason we can’t have a post dated December 2014 which briefly mentions what’s happened in the past while talking about a specific campaign in that time. The gap in time can be fleshed out by another author etc. Personally, I do see the robotic uprising as a major event, the Hong Kong portion could only be weeks, but Mainland China would be months, then there is room for expansion. As Ascension becomes more and more aggravated with the vessels, and with access to an immutable army (via facehugger type tech) then they start going after the home nations of the protagonists. Nuclear strikes anyone?

It becoming a global affair justifies prswirve’s end of the war entry. Which by the way is really nice, and I love the last line. But also dude, lol, it’s very, um “Then they did some things and the war was over. The end.” If it could be amended to a sort of “She did her part, but it was not enough” type of role that would be good. But not as keen on the idea of droid-army shield generators. Taking out a ship like that, which I see as more of a troop transport and vehicle carrier would be a blow, but there are heaps where that came from i’d say

On that note, anyone want a crack at designing those.

I reckon that maybe we could separate this out. Maybe have one definite end for the first few months, and then as a second part to the story we pick up a few months/ a year later.

[Iscarioto]

Can’t see why not JR. A little break in the traffic is logical too, people need time to recoup and recover, in and out of character

Oh yeah, sorry about the rookie mistake with the code thing. It’s on my work computer unfort so will need to repost that tomorrow.

Oh and Alex, like what you did with your entry, I’m happy for your character to have opinions on the other characters, if anyone is uncomfortable, which I doubt, it’s easily written off as misperception, so all good. If you like, I would actually like to see Reapers opinion on Xiao Tou and so forth, and I think, if you have other ideas floating around, there is potential to do a little synopsis on characters not yet created, and if anyone likes the sound of how you personify them they could choose to write an entry for them, etc? Good way to inspire those who mightn’t have come up with something, and also pad out our dramatis personae

[JR19759]

I had a little idea for a tag line for this story. Every story needs a tag line don’t you think?
How’s this:

“As Ascension Descends, A Few Will Rise”

[Iscarioto]

I like it, particularly because of the Ascension Descends up-down entendre!

[JR19759]

Hows about this for the Invasion craft?

Annotating it was a pain, but I’m quite pleased with it. And hopefully it might spur people into entering and trying to make a better design than mine (which shouldn’t be hard for some people).
It might be an idea to make this an actual contest thread in the contest section.

[Alexander of Limbo]

@Iscarioto said:
Oh and Alex, like what you did with your entry, I’m happy for your character to have opinions on the other characters, if anyone is uncomfortable, which I doubt, it’s easily written off as misperception, so all good. If you like, I would actually like to see Reapers opinion on Xiao Tou and so forth, and I think, if you have other ideas floating around, there is potential to do a little synopsis on characters not yet created, and if anyone likes the sound of how you personify them they could choose to write an entry for them, etc? Good way to inspire those who mightn’t have come up with something, and also pad out our dramatis personae

Hey thanks, its good to know i’m on the right tracks, i’m keeping a keen eye on this story line thing, coz after all Reaper is a character who likes to have events going in his direction. I’m also flattered about the idea that other people may want to pick up characters i start so cheers =).

Also if you would like to send a list of some of the characters you said before (Xiao Tou was mentioned) and just a few motives, their personalities, Jobs and where you want them going story wise i’d be happy to get Reaper’s opinion on them.

Also i love that design JR. But i had this image of the Crafts linking up to create a ceiling over Hong Kong (and a sort of artificial night time thing) with spotlights blaring in the areas which troops are in. That way it can give a small advantage to the survivors as they’d know where to avoid.

[Iscarioto]

That looks cool JR, one revision I would make is the lazery glow perhaps being orange, to keep in line with their energy beams etc? Perhaps a couple of these ideas can be fused, I love Alex’s steel sky idea!

[Iscarioto]

Here is the fixed coding for that Aug arm

zxczxc
Sun Mar 3 09:31:35 GMT+1300 2013

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[JR19759]

@Iscarioto said:

That looks cool JR, one revision I would make is the lazery glow perhaps being orange, to keep in line with their energy beams etc? Perhaps a couple of these ideas can be fused, I love Alex’s steel sky idea!

I tried the orange and it didn’t really work for me, but I’ll see what I can do. I agree it would fit better.
And as for the arm (rubs hands in anticipation)

[JR19759]

Quick question about the mechanics of the arm. Is the thing inside a laser sword or just a blaster? Because I can see a few of those being ripped out if the answer is the former

[JR19759]

Sorry for the three posts in a row, but here’s the satsuma ship.

p.s: love the idea of them forming a super ship ceiling (I’m in an alliterative mode)

[Iscarioto]

Yeah it’s a melee weapon!

I like the orange there, think it works!

[JR19759]

Ok, I’ll keep that coloration then.

I have gone back to the cyborg design and added in some ideas from the arm. If you want to, could you have a look at it for me, I’m still not sure about the hand split (the text is in the spoiler, feel free to make any edits you want, it is far from perfect yet (and that goes for anyone)).

Cyborg (Blade)
Sat Mar 2 22:49:12 GMT+0000 2013

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[Iscarioto]

The whole hand seperation thing was inspired by this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcSQ943wLOQ espesh around the 2:50 mark.

But yeah know what you mean, hard to make convincing.

Way I see it, there is a bit of variation, some have melee weapons, others can use it as a back up blaster, moving parts that can strengthen the joints for punching, things like that

[JR19759]

Ok guys, I’ve finished doing a full comic script for the first part. I couldn’t get everything in and I cut off one persons story a bit earlier than they did, but I picked out what I consider to be the most important bits and included them. I’ve also highlighted what I think are bits that could be illustrated if we are only aiming for a few illustrations instead of a full comic (they’d be the New Page- Large Panel bits). If anyone has any queries or abuse for me, you can do it here or by PM.
Hope y’all like it.

Ascension: Issue 1

Full Page: Computer screen, on an email page. The email reads as such:
From: LCPL Rick Henare [mailto:richard.henare@defence.govt.nz]
Sent: Wednesday, 27 February 2008 6:29 p.m.
To: Walter Henare
Subject: Hey Dad
Hey. How’s mum? I got the care package, thanks. Pineapple Lumps melted though, which is stink, because it’s negative 1 out. I mean, come on! Not your fault of course. Okay, So I have news, I’m leaving Bamyan. No, I’m not coming home, but I’ve been offered a promotion of sorts. One of those corporate contractor types, Stephens was his name, has gotten in touch to say he’s headhunted me. Nothing specific, just that I stood out. He’s offered me a role, just as an Ensign for now, in what he called the Ascension Project. Our CO doesn’t know much about it (is maybe a little skeptical, but I mean, it’s hard loosing team members) but believes it’s a weapons development project, UN sanctioned apparently. It could be a leg up. The pay is better, the opportunities. He said I could make Corporal in a year. No idea about deployment, but I may finally get off the field. A change of scene could do me good.
Anyway, hope you guys are well, say hey to Brent and Lexi for me.
Cheers,
Rick

Next Page

Panel 1: Terrance Anders and Shada out having lunch on the Expo Promenade, by the Harbor. Long Shot, so we can see the cityscape background.
Narration: The present day. Hong Kong.

Panel 2: Zoom in so their table is the full focus of the shot. Shada is talking, making hand gestures that suggest she is moaning about something. Terrance is smoking a cigarette.

Panel 3: We switch to a new scene, this time we are in a dark, bare prison cell. On the bed in the corner we can see Shu Ji asleep, curled in the fetal position, sweating and rocking, obviously in discomfort.

Panel 4: We zoom around so we can see his face. His face is contorting as if he is having a nightmare.

Panel 5: Again we change scene, so we are now on the streets of downtown Hong Kong. We focus on Kate Quinn, who is walking down the street, looking in the shop windows.

Panel 6: We change position to across the street as we watch Kate enter a coffee shop. The sign outside the coffee shop looks like the Starbucks logo, but it isn’t.

Panel 7: We are now in a hospital ward, watching Gina Lamprey smashing up an expensive looking radiotherapy machine.

Panel 8: She now goes over to one of the cupboards and grabs a load of pill bottles.

Panel 9: Now we are in a normal office building. In a meeting room, at the end of a long board table. Adrian Wright and some other business people are walking in through the door.

Panel 10: Adrian puts some papers on the table. Someone else puts a glass of water down on the table.

Panel 11: We switch back to Kate Quinn in the coffee shop, she is ordering coffee.

Panel 12: Whilst her back is turned, the barista pours the contents of a little vial into her coffee.

Panel 13: Back with Adrian, who goes over and stands by the window, his face pensive. He itches his elbow absent mindedly.

Panel 14: We focus on the glass of water. It begins to tremble.

Panel 15: We focus on Adrian again. His expression has become one of shock and fear as the tremors begin to get worse.

Panel 16: We switch to Shu, (the same shot as panel 4), whose eyes snap open. The sounds of explosions fill the air.

Panel 17: Back to Kate, who has spilt some of her coffee on her shirt and has obviously swallowed a lot more of it than she had originally intended. The tremors are getting worse.

Panel 13: We switch to Terrance and Shada who have looked up from their meal. The table they are at is shaking. Both are looking up at the sky.

New Page- Large Panel (Imagine a double page spread)
Panel 14: We look up from a extremely low angle behind Terrance and Shada to see what they are looking at. Huge triangles have appeared in the sky. From bellow details are very hard to make out. In the background, there are many explosions and orange lasers being fired
Title: Ascension Part 1

Panel 15: Terrance and Shada run as one of the triangle ships causes a large wave to come sweeping onto the promenade.

Panel 16: They arrive on a street, however their way is blocked by a battalion of cyborgs.

Panel 17: They turn and run the other way, but Terrance trips over the body of a dead police man.

Panel 18: Shada stops to help Terrance.
Terrance: Don’t stop. Keep running. Run!

New Page- Large Panel
Panel 19: Shada is shot with numerous orange beams, coming from different directions, as Terrance looks on helplessly from the floor and the cyborgs, who have fired the shots, advance from behind her. Shada’s body is in the process of falling to the floor, her arm outstretched ready to help Terrance up.

New/ Full Page: Computer screen, on an email page. The email reads as such:
From: Walter Henare [mailto:henarewalt@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, 28 February 2008 5:49 a.m.
To: Rick Henare
Subject: Re: Hey Dad

Son, are you sure about this one? I mean, it sounds like some kind of cheesy action movie plot line. And think about your career! My dad, myself, your siblings, we’ve all served the NZDF for all our lives. What country is this even for? A little bit of clarity would be nice, you can’t just accept it without reading the fine print! I brought you up a little smarter than that boy.
Look, I know how excited you get about these things, but there is a bit to consider here. As your mum would like me to point out, you’re 28 next month, finish your tenure in Afghanistan and push the envelope upstairs, you wanted to get into intelligence, all your life you’ve talked about it, what changed? Money?
Look, I don’t wanna come down on you. I’m just concerned.
We all love you very much.
New Page

Panel 20: Our scene switches back to Shu Ji’s dark cell. We can hear loud banging and crashing from out side the cell, along with screams. Shu is covering his ears, obviously in pain from the sound.

Panel 21: The wall of Shu’s cell bursts inwards, sending debris shooting across the cell. Shu raises his arms to protect his face.

Panel 22: We close up on Shu’s forearms as the debris cut into them.

Panel 23: However, the cuts heal almost instantaneously, still leaving blood covering his arms, but no visible wounds.

Panel 24: Shu runs out of his cell, bodies covering the floor and other prisoners running for their lives. The corridor is as dark as the cell. The only light comes from the flames that are starting to engulf the place.

Panel 25: Shu pushes past a number of people and starts to rush up the stairs. The air is thick with smoke.

Panel 26: Shu runs rurther up the stairs. The sound of gun fire is getting louder.
Panel 27: Shu runs head long into someone and is knocked to the floor.

Panel 28: We take the P.O.V of the person Shu ran into, towering over Shu, the shadow covering most of him as he crouches on the floor, a look of fear and loathing plastered across his face, desperately trying to get to his feet.

New Page- Large Panel
Panel 29: Towering over Shu, grinning menacingly (and slightly psychotically) is a cyborg, his gun aimed squarely at Shu.

Panel 30: Shu launches forward…..

Panel 31: ….disarming the cyborg in one swift movement.

Panel 32: Shu somersaults over the cyborg, firing the cyborgs own weapon until it falls to the ground, dead.

Panel 33: At that moment huge robotic walkers appear out of the smoke and flames, their guns tearing into Shu.

Panel 34: We watch the silhouettes cast by the flames as Shu drops to the floor.

New/ Full Page: Computer screen, on an email page. The email reads as such:
From: LCPL Rick Henare [mailto:richard.henare@defence.govt.nz]
Sent: Friday, 29 February 2008 11:24 a.m.
To: Walter Henare
Subject: Re: Re: Hey Dad
I know, I know, but this role seems to be more R&D.
Look, there was another raid on the Yankie camp last night, it’s just chaos here, no matter how much we rebuild, every relationship we repair, it just comes crumbling down. Our role here helps big time, I’m not doubting that. But I’m convinced the Ascension is going to help even more.
I’ve gotten more details, nothing I can talk about, which is exciting in itself. All I know is I’m moving to a facility somewhere near Minsk which I had to look up myself anyway. So not warmer climates, but we’ll see what comes of it. I’m really excited about this dad, I’d like for you guys to be too.
So I have another two weeks here before I have to say goodbye. I’m going to miss my squad, but they are all a little envious. Of what, well, we aren’t quite sure.
New Page

Panel 35: Kate Quinn is wiping her spilt coffee off of her t-shirt and lower jaw. The barista who served her is rushing to the door from behind the counter.
Kate: What was that? An earthquake?

Panel 36: The barista is at the door now, looking up and down the street. From out the window we can see buildings are damaged and people are injured. The barista looks worried.
Barista: No.

Panel 37: The barista turns to face Kate, his expression deathly serious.
Barista: They are here.

Panel 38: The barista rushes towards Kate as another tremor strikes. From out of the window we see the triangle ships appearing in the sky, raining orange beams down on the city. We can also see the blurry shapes of an army of cyborgs advancing down the street, heading for the shop.
Kate: Who is……

Panel 39: The barista grabs Kate and rushes her towards the back exit of the shop. The sound of gunfire now fills the air.
Barista: Come on, we have to get out of here.

Panel 40: The two burst through the back door into a small corridor at the back of the shop. There is screaming from inside the café and the sound of glass breaking. The cyborgs have obviously entered the shop. From of screen, in the corridor, a grating metallic voice speaks.
Cyborg: Wong Li An

New Page- Large Panel
Panel 41: The corridor is full of cyborgs. One, obviously the leader, steps forward. The barista (Li) pushes Kate behind him, to protect her from the cyborgs. Kate is obviously shaking and looks like she is going to be sick. The cyborg leader speaks again.
Cyborg: Wong Li An. You are in possession of MT-VS7. You are a threat to the Ascension and you must be eliminated.

Panel 42: From over Li’s shoulder we can see the cyborgs bursting through the door from the shop. Shards of wood scatter across the corridor.

Panel 43: The cyborgs in front of Li raise their guns, and eerie orange glow fills the corridor.

Panel 44: We close up on Kate’s face as we hear the sound of the guns being fired. She screams.

New/ Full Page: Computer screen, on an email page. The email reads as such:
From: Rick [mailto: rickishere1138@gmail.com]
Sent: Saturday, 6 December 2008 04:03 a.m.
To: Walter Henare
Subject: Updates
Hey guys, how are you all? Give my love to the family. I’m at an undisclosed location doing some exciting work. I’ve spent a bit of time with the R&D department. Not sure how much I can tell you but we are doing some really interesting stuff with prosthesis and sensory augmentations, real cutting edge stuff which I think could actually make armed warfare a thing of the past. In saying that, I’ve volunteered to test them out on a field mission in the New Year. I’m pretty excited! Really revolutionary, I feel like I’m at the edge of this amazing new precipice. I’ve made friends with a scientist named Wolgast who is really ambitious and see’s so much potential for this in the medical world. Prosthetics are one thing, but some of the areas we are working on could really change the world. I mean, how do you get lung cancer if we just build you a new lung? Phenomenal.
I think I can talk about our Commander and Chief Reischek, who’s a big deal in the media as far as I’m aware. What a guy, his vision for Ascension is inspiring. I really feel like my work here is making a difference. I’m a soldier first and foremost, and I’m craving getting back out there and doing what I’m best at, but right now, Reischek and this entity I work for are making the real difference.
Not everything is so great now. So we are a multi-cultural bunch, but of course, typical aussies. My CO here is a man named Townsend, real meat head. And with the wrong ideals. I guess part of you was right in assuming the whole soldier-of-fortune merc thing. It’s uncommon, but there is always that one jerk-off that’s too trigger happy, that lives for the blood. One egg can’t spoil the whole dozen.
Anyway, I’d better run, as you know communication has been sporadic, but if I can’t skype you before it, have an incredible Christmas! I hear Penny is coming up for it? Have a great time!
All the best,
Rick.
Narration: Ascension African Research Division, Korhogo, Côte d’Ivoire, December, 2008

New Page
Panel 45: The window Adrian is standing by explodes and Adrian is thrown to the ground.

Panel 46: Adrian shields his face from the falling glass.

Panel 47: Adrian picks himself up off of the ground slowly, looking around to see what has happened to his colleagues. They are all on the floor, having been knocked off their feet too, some starting to groggily get back to their feet. The whole room is being bathed in a strange orange glow.

Panel 48: Adrian looks around to see what is outside the window. His expression becomes one of utter shock at what he sees.

New Page- Large Panel
Panel 49: Adrian stands in front of the ruined window, his back to us. The other side of the window is one of the triangle ships, completely blocking out anything else from being seen, it’s search lights lighting up the office.
Adrian: $@*%

Panel 50: Adrian turns to his colleagues, most of whom are now on their feet, and shouts to them, whilst also racing for the door.
Adrian: Takagi, Whitmore, everyone get up. We need to get out of here before it goes completely to $@*%.

Panel 51: Outside the office, the corridor is in chaos. Everyone on this floor is attempting to get out, there is a massive gaggle of people crowding around both the elevator and the stairs. Adrian and his colleagues push their way through the crowd and reach the stairs.

Panel 52: We see people streaming down the stairs, Adrian amongst them. (This may be a good opportunity to do a B.E.V shot down the center of the stairwell).

Panel 53: The people stream out from the stairs into the lobby, which is a wreck, most of the furniture is smashed and/or charred and a carpet of glass covers the floor.

Panel 54: Standing in the center of the lobby is a lone cyborg, tall and menacing. His massive machine (laser) gun is trained on the office workers panicking around him, grinning evilly, an orange glow illuminating his face in a way that makes him look even more terrifying.

Panel 55: The cyborg opens fire. Screams fill the air and people fall to the floor, some dead, some trying to avoid the lasers.

Panel 56: Adrian launches himself through the window and out into the street.

New Page- Large Panel
Panel 57: This is a good opportunity to show the wide spread destruction being caused. With Adrian in the foreground, we can see buildings half destroyed and burning, bodies laying charred on the floor, cyborgs gunning down the panicking population without mercy and the triangle ships hovering in the sky like the storm clouds of oblivion.

Panel 58: Adrian turns and runs, a strange pruple glow starting to engulf his body (faintly at first).

Panel 59: We look at Adrian face on as he runs. His face is contorted in fear and anguish, he looks as though he wishes he was somewhere else. The purple glow is growing stronger and it is now very bold.

Panel 60: Suddenly Adrian disappears and the place he was standing is completely empty, as if he wasn’t there at all.

Panel 61: Our scene changes to a decently furnished apartment, far away from the invasion, although we can still see its effects out of the window.

Panel 62: Adrian suddenly appears out of thin air in the apartment. He looks like he is going to be sick and his nose has started bleeding.

Panel 63: Adrian faints and falls to the floor.

Panel 64: We look over Adrian’s unconscious body at the destruction in the city center.

New/ Full Page: Computer screen, on an email page. The email reads as such:
From: Walter Henare [mailto:henarewalt@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, 2 July 2009 0:12 a.m.
To: Rick Henare
Subject: Son
It’s been three months, for gods sake. We are worried. We haven’t had a call, an email, nothing. I don’t know how to contact you, DF gave no forwarding, you’ve given us nothing. You’ve said nothing since you were deployed to Somalia in April. Look, get in touch, your mother is very sick, and part of me places the blame on you. I’ve always maintained, family first, even before career, you know that.
Just let me know you’re okay.
________________________________________
Undeliverable:
Mail Delivery System [MAILER-DAEMON@mail75-18.dmzglobal.net]
To: Rick Henare
Sent: Thursday, 2 July 2009 0:12 a.m.
Delivery has failed to these recipients or distribution lists:
rickishere1138@gmail.com
An error occurred while trying to deliver this message to the recipient’s e-mail address. Microsoft Exchange will not try to redeliver this message for you. Please try resending this message, or provide the following diagnostic text to your system administrator.
The following organization rejected your message: [94.125.25.25].
Diagnostic information for administrators:
Generating server: mail75-18.dmzglobal.net
Rickishere1138@gmail.com
[94.125.25.25] #<[94.125.25.25] #5.0.0 smtp; 5.1.0 – Unknown address error 550-"5.1.1 The email account that you tried to reach does not exist. Please tryn5.1.1 double-checking the recipient's email address for typos orn5.1.1 unnecessary spaces.
Narration: Message 11 of 15 sent to Henare through numerous channels. July – September, 2009

New Page
Panel 65: Standing over Terrance is a nasty looking cyborg. He has a thick beard and a greasy ponytail along with his horrible scars and black armor. He had a nasty grin plastered across his face.

Panel 66: We switch to look at Terrance, whose face no longer shows any fear, just hatred, his clothes covered in blood, the body of Shada laying, smoldering, in front of him.

Panel 67: Terrance raises his right arm, his hand outstretched, as if trying to strangle the cyborg. Blood drips from his shirt sleeve.

Panel 68: The cyborg is lifted into the air, the grin disappearing from his lips. He clutches at his neck. Dents start of appear in his armor.

New Page- Large Panel
Panel 69: The cyborg is crushed by his own armor, blood bursting out of it and bits of mechanics flying everywhere.

New Page
Panel 70: The previous panel appears on a screen, alongside images of Shu Ji being attacked by the walkers, Kate Quinn and the barista surrounded by cyborgs and Adrian teleporting away from the destroyed street.

Panel 71: A hand reaches out and switches off the screen.

Panel 72: Mr. Reaper turns away from the screen. He smiles menacingly.
Mr. Reaper: Well, this has started to get interesting.

New/ Full Page: Computer screen, on an email page. The email reads as such:
From: ASC E.11506 [mailto:11506.ACSF5.8@ASCINT.MU]
Sent: Friday, 7 October 2011 9:10 p.m.
To: Walter Henare
Subject: I’m Sorry
Dad, Mum, I hope you guys are okay. I’m sorry, ever since we arrived here we have had to go dark, I’m on an opp I can’t talk about, but some heavy shit has gone down. I don’t know. I’m worried you might have been right. This isn’t what I thought it would be. I hope you guys are okay, just know that I’m alright. I’m going to be fine. I love you both so much, give my love to Brent and Lexi, I hope they are doing well too. I’ll try to keep in touch. This channel is limited, if you reply within 36 hours it will still be viable.
I love you
Narration: 5th Fleet Battalion, Ascension Legionnaire African Research Division, Mogadishu, Somalia, October, 2011

New Page
Panel 73: We watch as Gina climbs out of a wrecked subway carriage, unhurt. She is still carrying the suitcase.
Narration: Issue 1; Epilogue

Panel 74: She walks a little away from the carriage….

Panel 75: ….before stopping and putting down the suitcase.

Panel 76: She pulls out a diary and hastily scribbles an entry into it.

Panel 77: Putting away the diary she pulls out some of the pills she stole from the hospital and takes some.

Panel 78: She has a swig of water from a bottle and pulls out some crackers and a torch.

Panel 79: Taking a bite out of one of the crackers, she switches the torch on with her free hand and shines it down the tunnel.

Panel 80- 84: We now move further away from Gina down the tunnel, with each panel she grows further away and seems to grow much more tiny and lonely as we do so until we can’t even see her or her torch.
Narration (Panel 85): To Be Continued.

New/ Full Page: Computer screen, on an email page. The email reads as such:
From: Walter Henare [mailto:henarewalt@yahoo.com]
Sent: Sunday, 9 October 2011 7:52 p.m.
To: ASC E.11506
Subject: Re: I’m Sorry
Your mother died two months ago.
Don’t come home.

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