Category Archives: Super-Hero Stuff

General ramblings about anything super-hero related, from comics to films.

Good onomontoPOWia — the ice cracketh

I tend to mockery on this blog, but I only kid because I love comics so much. Oh, and I'm a jerk. BUT I do think it's important to recognize examples of good work from time to time, and it's in that spirit that I offer up this page from "The Flash" #116:

kk-kk-koom!

A giant glacier sheet has begun moving on Central City, and has just breached the dam. I love the chosen onomontoPOWia; the "kk-kk" immediately brought to mind the sound of ice cracking and creaking. The colorist has complemented this nicely by using a cool whitish purple for the letters, reinforcing the idea that something cold is making the noise. The KOOM! brings home the sharply different effect of a concrete dam finally exploding, again strengthened by the color choice of red and yellow.

This is a great example of onomontoPOWia done well. Everything works together -- the lettering, the actual art, the coloring, the panel layout -- to give the reader that uniquely comics experience of dynamic action frozen in time (no pun intended) while still moving forward.

I want to expound on that for a moment. A friend of mine once told me that music is an art form that exists only in time. Movies are the same way. They are art only so long as they are moving forward; once they stop, the artistic experience stops except in the memory of the person who experienced it. Yes, you can see music written on a sheet, or study individual film cells, but it's not living, breathing art at that stage.

Comics, on the other hand, exist independent of time. You can hold it in your hand, look at an entire page all at once, put it aside and pick it up later, and it's still the same coherent art piece. You don't have to experience it as it plays out, you can stop, go forward or back, skip around, and do whatever you like with it. Even while you're consuming a panel your eye can jump to the next one, or you can leaf back to the previous page.

That uniquely comic effect -- that ability to exist both in time and outside of it as an art form -- shows clearly on this page. We're very much in the moment of action with the dam exploding, the sound echoing about us, and we're pulled into a close-up of two characters experiencing it along with us. But we're not limited to that reaction shot, our attention can bounce back and forth between them and the frozen explosion, setting up a wonderful sensory experience.

Which is really amazing considering that all of it is just ink on paper.

(Image and character ©1996 DC Comics, “The Flash”, #116.)

Screamers

From the pages of “The Butcher” No. 4 (©1990, Mike Baron and Shea Anton Pensa), we learn that all characters in comic books must scream all dialog at each other, whether that be while flying a plane ...

Plane screamy

... while calmly discussing what the situation does or does not call for ...

I don’t think the situation calls for screaming, either, bro.

... while asking a polite question after getting your jaw accidentally unhinged ...

Is your mother a snake, or what?!

... while getting so frustrated watching two pilots shout everyday dialog at each other that your eyes explode into lightning bolts (I'm speaking from personal experience here) ...

Dreads and vampire fangs, just like we did it in the old country.

... while either piloting or co-piloting with your eyes closed and sitting in a chair made of squared-off cement ...

Seriously, doesn’t your mouth get dried out from leaving it open like that all the time?

... while getting groped by a stranger when you're a grandmother and poking him back with a Finger of Outrage ...

If she’s that old there’s no WAY he’s groping in the right place …

... while whispering for the love of Pete ...

Inside voice you fool!

... or just while using incredibly exaggerated gestures to show some doofus what this mysterious thing called a "bow" is.

Maybe if the Invisible Woman and Green Arrow had a child he’d be the Invisible Arrow, but till then, you just look silly.

I'm pretty sure I know now why he's The Butcher -- that's the only way he could come up with to shut everyone the hell up and get some sleep.

Men of the DC Universe contest

Johanna Draper over at "Comics Worth Reading" (a great blog on comics) has a contest running for a male version of this awesome Adam Hughes "Women of the DC Universe" poster, seen here (featuring, from left to right, Catwoman, Oracle, Zatanna, Black Canary, Power Girl, Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Batwoman, Vixen, Poison Ivy, and Harley Quinn):

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Deliciously appropriate product tie-ins

In the history of bad super-hero costumes, I think the Joel Schumacher Batman and Robin Nipple designs have to take home the Oscar (pardon the pun). His fetishistic take on these iconic figures put a stake in the heart of the movie franchise, which made this product tie-in ad I found in one of the Great Random Comics Pile just about perfect:

Batman and Robin Fruit Snack

Batman's glare seems to be saying "Yes, I'm being called a fruit right here on this box, and because I have been given nipple armor (not shown), I am powerless to react. Not that there's anything wrong with that. And Robin, if I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, get your left hand away from there!"

Iron Man brief review

When asked if she wanted to go see "Iron Man", my wife said "Who's he?", immediately disqualifying her from attending. So it was up to me and my pal Dave to pass geek judgment on the film. Dave and I are pretty hard to please when it comes to movies, and very hard to please when it comes to super-hero movies. Having said that, here are the three things you need to know about "Iron Man":

  1. "Iron Man" is the best super-hero movie ever made.
  2. Stay all the way -- ALL THE WAY -- to the end, past the credits. You'll thank me. And bring a wet-wipe, you'll need it.
  3. I'm so blown away by this movie that I am up at 1:40 in the morning, too keyed up to sleep, writing this review.

The longer version, containing random jumps from topic to topic, is after the jump.

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It has a nice beat and I can dance to it

If "Hypno-Hustler" isn't actually related to either "Disco Stu" from "The Simpsons" or "The Dazzler", he at least goes to the same tailor:

Hypno-Hustler

My favorite part of his costume is the big pink guitar. Because nothing says "Dangerous Villain" like Fender's "My Little Pony" series of musical instruments.

(Image ©2006, Marvel Publishing, Inc., from "Marvel Legacy: The 1970's Handbook".)

Wolverine claws

The Bat iPod was a joke I came up with, but there are people out there who really can and do make very cool replicas of comic book items. Take this guy, for instance, who put together a kick-butt set of Wolverine claws:

Real Life Wolverine claws

Maybe if I send him my Bat iPod brass knuckles he could whip me up a real-life set? I can dream.

Or maybe I should send them to the guy who made the actual set of claws used in the X-Men movie. This article shows how Canadian special effects artist James Gawley crafted the iconic weapons, and the difficulties of translating comic book physics into everyday life. Well worth a weekend read.

The BatiPod

When Bruce Wayne goes jogging around the darkened alleys of Gotham, you can bet your Batarang that some face-punching, groin-kicking mugger action is going to go down at some point during his exercise routine. And yet that level of violence would surely result in the destruction of his hand-held personalized iPod. The solution? Batman's brass-knuckle steel-reinforced iPod carrier:

Batman iPod

Blue-tinted and personally engraved, this is the ultimate MP3 player accessory for any crime-fighting super-hero. Now you can carry your iPod in your hand while on patrol without needing to fear its destruction when you punch your arch-villain in the face thanks to the steel cage and reinforcing struts. Order your very own BatiPod Carrier Mark IV from Wayne Industries today! (Note: iPod sold separately.)

Frank Miller's Spirit?

I would guess that I am the last person in the free comics world to know about this, but Frank Miller has written and is directing a big-screen version of Will Eisner's "The Spirit"?!

Frank Miller’s “The Spirit”

Cool! I really enjoyed Darwyn Cooke's adaption, and of course Will Eisner (for you young whippersnappers out there) is one of the seminal figures in the history of the comics medium, both as a creator and as a thinker. Match that up with Frank Miller, one of the towering names of the modern comics industry, and I have real cause for hope that this movie will rawk.

Did Dr. Doom buy the Playboy Club?

A trio of bad super costumes.

Considering the carnivorous-bikini-wearing tousle-haired no-toed blond apparently grooving to her own crazy beat; the crouching, leering, perverted toad behind the man with the silly frilly cape; the half-naked muscle-bound oaf at the rear; the pink and orange-wearing lecherous mariachi player; and the nudist glowing girl just off-panel to the left, I wouldn't blame you for suspecting that this is actually some sort of super-villain swinger's club. Can Lube-Lad be far away? The room is literally packed with super-villains, all of whom are gathered to plan Silver Star's defeat, but I'm pretty sure that's just an excuse for them all to get funky.

Regardless, if the man in red and blue is indeed the Emcee as his letter logos would have you believe, there's no way this party is going to rock. No one with that kind of massive upper-body musculature who would wear a butt-length cape like that can possibly have anything but disco in their music collection, and even Dr. Lightning Arrow Fellow behind him is turning away in disgust. And when you've lost the Shaft Master, you've really lost your groove, baby.

Not to mention how bad the guitar playing from our masked color-blind minstrel must be. Honestly, if you can't tell that pink bows clash with orange frilly lace piping, you have no chance of making it in the gay musical villain business. I would bet his only real super-power is Sartorial Suckage, striking disgust in the heart of the fashionable. Throw in the fact that even if you score in this crazy villain sex-club hangout, the woman will eat your "sidekick" with her drooling demon facegina, and you've got yourself a recipe for night club disaster, my friend.

No wonder most super-villains work alone.

(Image and characterfrom “Silver Star”, No. 1, ©1993, Jack Kirby.)