Category Archives: RPG Corner

Introducing "Surreality Bites", the HeroMachine Freestyle RPG

I want to try something new here that I've never done, and never seen done, before. It may be a huge flop, or it may be hugely entertaining; only time will tell.

Our overall goal is to create our own made-up-as-we-go book. Unlike a Choose Your Own Adventure book, we won't have multiple branches coming off of each section, but they are still a good model for the style of writing and length I'm looking for. We want fast-paced, inclusive, PG-rated material that advances the "story" (assuming any sort of coherent narrative forms).

Thus your challenge this week is one of two things (or both, if you fancy a challenge):

  1. Write an opening section that introduces the protagonist and establishes our starting point. The text should be written in second-person point of view ("You are a young warrior of the Wu Tang Clan") and should be gender-neutral. You can go sci-fi, modern, fantasy, horror, or whatever else you like. The introduction must end with an open-ended statement making it easy for the next person to hook on their section, something like "You turn the corner and see ..." or "Leaping from the cliff, your wild hands scrabble along the rocks and encounter ..." or "Heat vision blasting, out of the corner of your eye you see descending from the clouds a ...", that kind of thing. The goal is to make it easy for the next person to know where to jump off.
  2. If writing isn't your thing, you can post a link to an image you've created in HeroMachine that the next person will have to incorporate into their scene. It might be a human character of some sort, or an animal, or an item of some sort, or a scene. Whatever you like.

I will choose one image and one text introduction from the top five "most-liked" comments (using our nifty new comment rating system) as the winners, forming the basis for the next chapter in the adventure. Next Saturday I'll make a post like this one with the chosen introductory text, and the image you have to incorporate into the next chapter.

So, each week we'll have:

  1. A new chapter that incorporates the winning image item from two weeks previous;
  2. The new image winner from the previous week you'll have to incorporate into your writing chapter;
  3. A comment thread contest to choose the winning next chapter;
  4. and a comment thread contest to choose the winning image that the next week's writers will have to use.

That should be clear as mud! Ask any questions you like, and start writing and/or creating! Whether you choose to participate as a creator or not, your input is still very much needed by "liking" the entries you think are best.

Update: I've removed the thumbs-up plugin as it wasn't loading properly. I'll just pick winners like a contest.

Raiding the short bus

Before anyone jumps on me for being insensitive with the "short bus" reference, I literally rode the short bus to high school for two years until I got my own car. It was actually pretty fun, we played Hearts and Spades for the hour+ trip every day ... but I digress, because while I ramble on, our intrepid road warrior "Freeway Warrior" (because that's totally different) faced a decision as to which way to go. We gently nudged him in the direction of a bridge:

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borntobealoser is one smart Highway Warrior!

Apparently you still have to know math even after the Apocalypse, which frankly is a big time bummer. Luckily we have borntobealoser on our side, as he utterly dominated the keypad puzzle facing us in front of the Big Steel Door at the local university. Here was his solution:

Right, I’ve literally only looked at the puzzle for a few seconds, and I’m shouting the first thought that came into my head. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but don’t you get the last number of each row if you add the first 2 numbers of each row and take away the third number in the row?

Like this:
2 + 12 = 14, 14 – 5 = 9.
4 + 20 = 24, 24 – 7 = 17.

So, going on that, surely it’s:
12 + 12 = 24, 24 – 4 = 20.

If that’s wrong, I’m going to look like a total idiot…

Guess what? You do not look like an idiot, you look like a genius!

This solution was a lot better than my "Click randomly on every possible number" approach, the legacy of a university education much heavier on English and Art than was probably good for me.

We already have a Geiger counter, fortunately, but I went ahead and loaded up on the rest of the stuff.

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A salty puzzle

When last we left our intrepid post-Apocalyptic explorer, he was deep in the middle of Fish Week (aka Freshman Orientation) at the local U. We decided to check out a large crate:

Aha! NaCl, what could that possibly mean ... apparently it's the kind of thing you don't have to know, you just have to be perceptive enough to figure it out. Somehow. Luckily we roll a 6 on the Idiot-O-Meter, clearing us to:

Hey, it's salt, everybody! Who knew that NaCl was salt?! Well, we can certainly see the value of a college education, that's for darn sure. I bet behind the door is shelf after shelf of tequila and margarita glasses! Our choice at this point is to either head back to the caravan with our ill-gotten goods, or move on to checking out the door. Given the tenor of our last debate (aka "Pillage Everything"), I'm going to skip ahead and decide to check out the door:

Oooo, a puzzle! How exciting! Given this universe's amazing ability to intuit scientific information just by looking around, hopefully the answer will just come to us, BAM. I'll wait.

...

OK, not so much. Dang. Looks like we'll have to figure this one out ourselves. Take a crack at it and leave your best guess with your reasoning in the comments. Maybe when we get enough that seem reasonable we'll put it up to a vote. Put on those Santa-shaped thinking caps, folks!

College Admissions

When last we left our Highway Holocaust warrior, we were debating whether or not to explore the local college grounds looking for inebriated college students survival gear. Thus we clench our kegger close and:

Now look, I'm not waiting another week just to decide whether or not to keep doing what we already decided we were going to do. The results of that last poll were so lopsided, I'm going to take it as a mandate to forge ahead and keep exploring.

How the heck did these previous looters overlook "a large wooden crate"? I mean, put yourself in the mindset of a looter. Not an intrepid explorer trying to preserve civilization, as in our case, of course, there's a huuuuge difference, but one of those people who trespass on property not belonging to them looking for stuff to take. See? Not the same thing at all.

Anyway, look, you're a feckless looter wandering around the grounds, smashing and taking whatever catches your fancy. You see a big wooden crate, the kind used to store valuables, and you just go "Meh"? I think not. The door I can understand, it's big and steel and might take tools to get past. But a crate of wood? If this is the level of accomplishment achieved by the typical post-Apocalyptic looter in Texas, I weep for our future.

So what's it going to be, boys and girls?!

[polldaddy poll="5763739"]

Post post-Apocalypse post, retcon edition

OK, so we died. Big deal. Characters in comics die all the time and it's not a major setback -- wait a few issues, let sales dip a bit, then you're alive once again and back in business.

You all voted to basically imagine that we made a deal with Mephistopholes, Spider-Man style, to go back in time and avoid Denton completely, carrying on as if we paid attention to the smoke we saw in our binoculars. Therefore, we spring back to life, Phoenix-like (the bird, not the city)!

I do not believe Uncle Jonas (surely one of the Jonas Brothers, after the teen-hearthrob phenom met the bad side of a nuclear exchange) is using "tumped" in the same way I would. But, I'm skeevy. Regardless, we chug some liquid courage and carry on:

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Dentonic!

Apparently our adventurous spirit reigns supreme in post-Apocalyptic Texas, as we've decided to go ahead and mosey (you're required by law to mosey instead of walk in Texas, despite the heretic "Walker", Texas Ranger) into Denton to see what's behind the plume of exhaust we spied.

Zoicks! I guess it's no good having binoculars if you don't believe your lying eyes. We have a massive driving skill of ... three. Combined with another three from the Random Roll, that leads us to:

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This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a Denton.

In our last episode, our post-Apocalyptic road warrior took shelter behind his massive V-8 (the car, not the drink, because that would not be very effective, now would it?) and was deciding whether to leap behind the wheel or dash into the store to join Long Jake and his damsel in distress. I don't know yet whether Long Jake is in a dress, though that would be a nice bit of symmetry.

Focus, people! We chose to run for our friends in the store, resulting in:

I actually use a printed-out and cut-to-size Random Number Chart from the rule book for this. I'm kickin' it old school. Thus I closed my eyes, twirled the chart, plunged my pen down and got ... an 8! A bona-fide non-sucky result. Added to our massive Stealth score of 2, that gives us a total of 10. Apparently we were able to hold the jingle bells on our harness silent for a few critical seconds. Meaning:

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Combat at the Quik-E-Mart

When last we left our post-Apocalyptic road warrior (no relation), we were deciding whether to get the heck out of Dodge in our Dodge or to eat dirt and stick it out. Wouldn't you know it, our bravery overcame our survival instincts and we dove for cover:

In the drugstore! I hope one of our choices is to ask him to pick us up some candy bars.

Now, we have a choice here, but I figured from the responses last time that you all were game to be aggressive in an attempt to rescue our cohorts, so I made a command call and decided that if we weren't meant to fire this rifle, it wouldn't be clutched in our cold, dead hands. Or something.

Hey now, according to that illustration we should have two rifles! I guess we'll just have to muddle through with our singleton, though. Pulling out the handy-dandy random number chart, I close my eyes, dart my pen down, and get ... a five. Adding that to our prodigious Shooting score of five, we are at a comfortable ten. Meaning:

WE RULE! One shot, POW, right through the heart. Take THAT, Mel Gibson! And I'm pretty sure we did it without a Samson-like power-mullet.

Once again we're left with a directional dilemma. Do we try to join our compatriots in the store and join forces, or do we hop behind the wheel of our Hot Rod Ford and run the bastards down? I'm interpreting that second choice as not being "run away" but rather "get to a better fighting location, and/or run some leather-clad punks over." Being a CYOA, however, it could just as easily result in our driving over a cliff to our fiery death.

So what'll it be, intrepid survivors?

[polldaddy poll="5679188"]

Highway Holocaust Happy Adventure Time GO!

Last week we spent some time deciding what skills and gear our "Freeway Warrior" would sport. We decided to put two points into Shooting, one point into Perception, and one point into Fieldcraft. Being on the wimpy side of the Endurance scale, apparently we thought that it would be better to stay far away from danger by toting a rifle, being smart enough to see trouble coming before it gets close, and wilderness savvy enough to hide if it comes down to it.

To that end we settled on a compass so we know which way to run, binoculars so we can see our enemies at even longer distances, three square meals (running burns calories, folks!), and a geiger counter. Here's how our character sheet looks:

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