Category Archives: RPG Corner

On our last episode, our ragtag band of plucky survivalists was about to be assaulted by a scraggly band of motorcycle marauders. We decided that rather than wading into battle on our shaking little chicken legs, we'd unlimber our trusty rifle and take aim at the vandals. Unfortunately it looks like at least one of them went to the Jean Claude Van Damm School of Fighting and Comportment:

We done been KICK-SERVED, mofos!

Thus we find ourselves exactly where we did not want to be: Pitting our shriveled manhood against Bald Tatto Guy. I've been there, my friends, and believe me, it's not fun. Not fun at all.

Resigning myself to another "Time to pick another adventure and hope we don't die so fast this time" post, I nonetheless gamed it out.

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In our previous installment of "Freeway Road Warrior But Not the Mel Gibson One Oh Hell Let's Call It Highway Warrior Instead", we were debating whether or not to raid the rotted corpse of the local DJ. Knowing the personal hygiene habits of your average radio personality and the virulence of the various organisms usually living on them, I'm dubious that searching this rotted husk is a good idea. Nonetheless, that's what we decided to do:

Do we want any med kits? Speak up in comments either way.

Meanwhile:

Despite our shockingly low Stealth score, somehow I actually rolled well for once and we got above a 9! Maybe the Austin air is blowing a fair wind on my dice ...

Wait a minute, why is it called Stealth if they meant Dexterity? We didn't hide from the bikers, we rolled out of the way. Whatever.

The good news is we're alive with no damage, and now we get to decide on the form our swift, savage justice will take!

Frankly I see us as more of the stand far away and shoot people type rather than up-close and personal, but maybe you're feeling especially Rambo-esque today.

When last we left our intrepid Freeway Warrior, we were deciding whether or not to investigate the source of a radio signal. Ever adventurous, we decided to go for it:

Sadly, we do not possess a CB Radio, much to my chagrin. I think every post-Apocalypse story ought to feature these handy devices, along with a gimmee-cap with a Confederate flag on it. Imagine how much more fun "Road Warrior" would have been if Mel Gibson had to come up with a CB Handle. "Breaker breaker one nine, this is the Angry Beaver, come on."

But I digress.

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Let's review what we know about our Freeway Warrior thus far: while he shoots like Bullseye he drives like Miss Daisy. Which possibly renders our next adventure understandable, because when last we left him, we had decided to investigate a local air base.

Some days you have fifteen screens of narrative before you have to decide anything important, and some days you get ... this. A decision on where we'd like to shop. I envision an entire misguided "Girl's Adventure" series, where middle-aged men write stuff they think girls would want, with decision trees like "Which dollie would you buy" or "Which store should we shop at next" or even something really stupid like "Edward or Jacob".

Meanwhile the actual girls (at least, the awesome geeky kind like those who hang out here) reading it would be hunting down the nearest tub of bleach so they could wipe out the nonsense on the pages and write their own damn fiction already.

When last we left our intrepid and tragically incompetent Freeway Warrior, we had decided to raid the short bus for a fan belt, chucking out our trusty altimeter. We better hope we don't find ourselves clinging desperately to the burning skin of a dirigible at any point in this little outing or boy will we be sorry!

That decision leads us to talking. Lots and lots of talking. Because when I think "Adventure", I think endless paragraphs of prose. To whet your appetite, however, we eventually end up here:

So keep reading!

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