Category Archives: RPG Corner

Our feelings of human camaraderie have prevailed -- or possibly we just wish to be surrounded by more human shields in the event of an attack -- and we have decided to seek out the company of the refugees fleeing along the road.

The people look tired and hungry. They have come many miles from their burning city. Suddenly, you hear the beat of huge wings coming from the north.

'Kraan, Kraan! Hide yourselves!' the cry goes up all along the road.

Just in front of you, a wagon carrying small children breaks down, its right wheel jammed in a furrow. The children scream in panic.

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Now this is where the rubber meets the road! Or the wagon wheel gets in a rut. Or the foot falls in a puddle. Whatever, look, we've got a clear choice here -- run like a rabbit or stand like a lion? I'll just note that Hercules wore the skin of a lion, but not a rabbit. However, they never made a movie called "The Rabbit King" either. They did make "Watership Down", though, which was pretty awesome. Am I rambling? Focus, Jeff, FOCUS!

In any event, look at this kids before you make your decision:

First of all, those children are clearly possessed by Satan. What they need is not a Kai Warrior but a good exorcist. Can there be any doubt the one on the right is eating her mother right now? I think not. And the baby is at least half caterpillar, which is just disgusting.

So really, the choice is whether to run away and hope to fight again, or stand up to an invading group of flying badasses in order to save the spawn of the devil. At least partly human hell children, admittedly, but hell spawn nonetheless.

So what'll it be, and why?

Having left our Lone Wolf standing indecisively in front of a tunnel when last we checked in (sorry for the long delay!), we eventually direct him to proceed forthwith into the Freudian landscape:

The tunnel is dark and the air is much cooler than outside. You carefully advance with one hand on the tunnel wall to aid your sense of direction. You have been in total darkness for three minutes when you detect the foul smell of decay ahead, similar to rotting meat. If you have a Torch and Tinderbox in your Pack, you may light the Torch to see your way ahead.

Rifling through our Pack, we do not, sadly, have a Torch or a Tinderbox. We do, however, have a "Tablet of perfumed soap". I bet we try to set that on fire, but no luck.

Suddenly, something heavy drops from the tunnel ceiling onto your back and you fall to your knees. It is a Burrowcrawler and you must fight it, for it is trying to strangle you with its long slimy tentacles:

Burrowcrawler: COMBAT SKILL 17 ENDURANCE 7

If you do not have a torch, deduct 3 points from your COMBAT SKILL during this fight. The Burrowcrawler is immune to Mindblast and Animal Kinship.

That is unfortunate, as our favorite tactic is to use Animal Kinship to lure a critter close, only to blast it with the awesome power of our minds. Pity. Our regular Combat Skill is 19, +2 when using a Spear (which we are), -3 for being in the dark, for a total of ... um ... (carry the three ... curse that English and Art degree ...) 18. Or so. Ahem.

Closing my eyes and pointing to the Random Number Table, I get a 6. Turning to the Combat Table, I see we are at a +1 relative to the Burrowcrawler, meaning our foul, slimy foe takes 9 points of damage while we take 2. Since he has a paltry 7 Endurance, we not only kill him with one mighty thrust of our spear, we also get to dance on his corpse and hurl insults at him.

As an aside, how awesome is the caption of that image? "It is a Burrowcrawler and it is trying to strangle you" sums up the whole RPG experience so perfectly, I just love it.

The slimy creature lets out a long, ghastly death cry and collapses. You are near to panic and scramble to your feet, grabbing what you think to be your belt from the jaws of the dead beast. You can see light in the far distance, and you sprint for it as fast as you can. When you finally emerge into the daylight, you fall onto the leafy ground and fight for breath in painful gasps.

Slowly sitting upright, you notice that you are still wearing your belt -- you had not lost it after all. What you grabbed from the jaw of the Burrowcrawler was a leather strap with a small pouch and a sheathed Dagger half way along it. You break open the clasp to find it contains 20 Gold Crowns. You may take both the Dagger and the Crowns if you are able to.

Feeling a little better now, you gather your Equipment together and push on eastwards into the forest.

Turn to 157.

We can only carry two weapons, and we already have an Axe and a Spear. We aren't giving up our Very Special Spear, especially now that it's covered in Burrowcrawler guts (surely the next tavern wench will be impressed with that!), and I'd rather have an Axe than a Dagger since it can be used for chopping up firewood. So we're pocketing our hard-earned Crowns and turning to 157 like a good Lone Wolf.

The forest begins to thin out until finally you can make out a road through the trees ahead. The highway is full of people heading south. Many are wheeling their possessions along on handcarts.

This is a tough one. I mean, on the one hand we're the Lone Wolf, but on the other hand it would be nice to see some people who aren't either dead or trying to make us dead. I'm curious to see how you choose to go on this one.

In my defense, the abandoned backpack we've been staring at witlessly for the past two weeks despite early and overwhelming desire to take it is very pretty, with lots of embroidery and a two-level effect like a little path running down the middle (NI!). So we were hypnotized, basically. Ahem.

Anyway, we decided to examine the contents of the bundle, which leads us to:

Wrapped in a bundle of women's clothing is a small velvet purse containing 6 Gold Crowns and a Tablet of Perfumed Soap. You may take these Items and continue your journey. Turn to 213.

See, women's clothing! And soap! Given our history I think we can be forgiven for lingering over these reminders of a softer, gentler time, when no one was trying to kill us. Dropping the soap, yes, getting stabbed by Giaks, no. Suitably attired and smelling lily-fresh, we resume our journey.

You have been trudging through the forest for nearly two hours. The nagging fear that you are lost begins to seem a reality. Apart from the occasional cry of a Kraan in the far distance, you have seen or heard no evidence that the enemy is in this part of the forest. As you descend a rocky hillock, you see something unusual in the tangled woods ahead. Turn to 331.

Uh oh. My dad was almost killed by a 331 once, this might be bad.

Surrounded by thorny briars and closely packed roots, you see the entrance of a tunnel disappearing into the hillside beyond. It is approximately seven feet in height and just over ten feet wide. As you get closer, you can feel a slight breeze coming from the inky blackness. If the other end of this tunnel emerges on the far side of the hill, it could save you many hours of difficult climbing. But it could also harbour unknown danger.

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So what'll it be, gentlefolk? A brave but possibly foolhardy plunge into Freudian symbology, or attempting to scale a hill because it is there? Either way we're looking smart and smelling great, so I am sure we'll have no problems with whatever we might face.