Category Archives: Versus

Apologies for the late posting, I'm feeling a little blue today and just didn't get to it at the usual time. But now, bring on the frothing nerd rage!

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Old school versus new school. Dashing man of action versus cerebral man of reason. Do you let your fists do the talking or do you do your talking with your awesome bald head?

This is a tough call because you're talking about two very different eras in the Federation's history. Kirk was the last of the Devil-may-care buccaneer style captain, while Picard was much more of a Renaissance man. You'd like to have a beer with Kirk before hitting on the local green-skinned girls, while with Picard you'd be more likely to imbibe a well-bodied Merlot while playing the recorder.

On the other hand, Picard can flat-out kick ass when he needs to. He took on Klingons in hand-to-hand combat, and won! OK, maybe that's not the best example, because apparently some alien testicle-eating virus had infected the Klingon homeworld by the time Next Generation started, but still. They have bony heads, and those things hurt when you hit 'em.

Oh sure, Kirk got to wench his way across the better part of the known galaxy, vamping and tramping with every able-bodied female he met. And Picard's big adventure was to live an entire lifetime as an old married gardener whose big accomplishment was learning to play the flute before getting wiped off the face of the planet.

So I'd say Kirk is probably the young person's ideal of a swashbuckling adventurer, whereas Picard represents a more mature, measured, thinking person's model.

But all of that is moot, since Picard is bald and therefore he wins.

Discuss.

Our weekly Versus smackdown this time out comes courtesy of Sutter Kaine, and I think it's a peach:

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The concept here was to take the teams as they were originally founded, with that era's characters and powers. With two very major exceptions -- I've removed Superman and Batman from the JLA roster. My rationale is that DC deliberately kept them out of most issues of the JLA comics as they had enough exposure elsewhere in the company's titles. My real reason is that, come on, that would be totally unfair and uninteresting.

Having said that, let's take a closer look, shall we?

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The seas are a-boil and the waves are a-crashing as we witness a titanic confrontation between the kings of their world's seas!

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Depending on what version of Aquaman you go with, he's either got a ginormous metal hook instead of a hand, or a hard water hand, or just, you know, a regular hand. While originally unable to live outside of water for more than an hour, in later years he's fully capable on land. He's the king of Atlantis (again, depending) and isn't afraid to go out in public wearing scaly orange tops and footie PJs.

Namor has a wicked cool widow's peak thing going on, complementing big elf ears. No matter which version you go with, he has itty bitty wings on his feet, which, let's be honest, make no sense at all in any way. How many fish have you seen with feathery wings?! The answer is "none", unless you count that one time I accidentally hooked a sea gull while casting and temporarily used it as bait. On the fashion front, Namor's so buff he isn't afraid to go out in public wearing nothing but a European style banana hammock. A scaly European style banana hammock, which I don't think even Europeans are brave enough to do. I like to envision a future where he and Sue Richards finally get married and Namor lets himself go, whereupon their kids stay permanently invisible to avoid the embarrassment of being seen on the beach with "Dad" and his gigantic paunch heaving over the sides of that mankini.

Both are super tough, both are super strong, and both are used to being literally kings of all they survey. Aquaman can talk to aquatic life, but Namor can fly.

I'd probably put my money on Namor just because, come on, Aquaman, but I hope you'll be able to provide a good argument for your own choice. So have at it!

I thought we'd take a break from "Who can beat the crap out of whom" series of Versus Poll Positions and instead focus on one of our favorite subjects -- super-hero fashion! Thus:

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Here are the major differences as I see them (actors aside):

1. Cavill's midnight blue vs. Routh's more primary tone;
2. No undies vs. Undies;
3. Hex texture vs Spandex;
4. No belt vs. Belt;
5. Fatter, more traditional "S" logo vs. more angular, smaller logo;
6. Wrist cuffs vs. No cuffs;
7. Squared-off collar vs. tighter round collar;
8. Piping details vs. No piping at all;
9. Costume-sculpted abs vs. What God Gave 'im.

For me personally, I think I prefer the Cavill version for one reason -- it tells a story. The problem with the "Superman Returns" costume was that it was just a redesign, but it didn't really tell you anything about the man (or alien) wearing it. When I look at the costume from the upcoming "Man of Steel", I get at least a general "Kryptonian" vibe from it, which tells me that this is someone trying to retain some vestige of their history, their culture, their heritage. I don't know in what way or how it will translate into the story, but I get the feeling there's thought and story behind the choices that were made, and not just "Let's modern this baby up some".

But that's just me, I'd love to hear how you voted and why!

With thanks once again to McKnight57 for the idea, I give you this week's "Versus" challenge:

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Two incredibly tough adversaries from different, each advertised as unstoppable in some way. So who comes out ahead, and why?

Doomsday has the advantage of being custom built to destroy anything, given time. He's even beaten Superman and by most accounts can survive unimaginably massive damage.

Juggernaut, however, has "magic" in the form of a big tasty gem that gives him unstoppable momentum. He's incredibly tough and has his own healing factor, as does seemingly every Marvel character not named "Aunt May".

Something has to give when this immovable object from DC smacks into this irresistible force from Marvel! So have at it, folks, and give us reasons why you're right.

With many thanks to frequent commenter McKnight57 for the idea, I present the following "Versus" matchup for your consideration:

What I love about this is that Galactus is (appropriately enough) a galactic-level threat, a being of such immense power that only one item in the Marvel Universe can threaten him. Superman can punch things real hard, but no matter how strong he is, can he really affect someone like Galactus?

On the other hand, Galactus has been defeated on numerous occasions by Earth's super heroes. Granted, those are Marvel guys, but Superman surely is faster, smarter, stronger, and mightier than most of them.

So what do you think, who would win in an all-out confrontation between these two titans of their respective universes?

McKnight57's vote counts twice since he's the one who thought of it, by the way.

Now have at it!

I have to admit, these "versus" Poll Position questions have become my favorites, because they're so easy to write so much fun to see you all debate. I think this week we have a particularly interesting selection for you:

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Both possess speed, reflexes, agility, strength, and stamina. Both have survived countless battles against a myriad of foes. Each wields blades that can slice through almost anything (except whatever they make Cloud City railings out of).

Darth Maul can of course bring Dark Force tricks to the table, meaning in theory he could grab Wolverine and throw him around the battlefield from a distance. He also fought two of the greatest Jedis in history to a virtual standstill (make that a literal standstill for all too many on-screen minutes while they waited for various force fields to go down). Plus, cool facial tattoos.

Wolverine, of course, has his ever-loving rapid healing factor. But that's more of a long-term bonus; for the purposes of a single engagement fight, it wouldn't really come into play since, even if he could survive being chopped in half eventually, by the time he was up and about, the fans are already back home and the popcorn is cold.

Maul's twin light sabers give him the advantage of reach, but would be a disadvantage if Wolverine could get in close enough.

I admit, I can't call this one, it's too close. I'll have to see which way the enraged geek spittle flies before I can decide. So have at it, folks!

I am enjoying the debates around these "Versus" fights, so here's another one for you:

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To help you in your decision-making process, here's a quick run-down of the two characters (powers not shown):

For me, the last two points are the difference maker. I don't care how bad-ass either of these guys is, the fact that Deadpool was both created by Rob Liefeld and played by Ryan Reynolds -- a twin bill of titanic suckage -- means I gotta go with Terminator. Plus, come on, how awesome a name is "Deathstroke the Terminator"?! That's like TWO killer monikers rolled into one!

I leave the technical details of who would win in an ACTUAL fight to you better informed folks.

I return to our "Versus" roots this week for the following Throwdown Spectacular:

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I'm assuming we're dealing with a full Jedi Luke here, the guy from Episode VI. So that means Magneto can probably grab that robotic hand and try to rip it out of Luke's forearm. On the other hand, you can be pretty sure Skywalker's going to be grabbing back with the full power of the Force at his command. Which will be the more powerful tool? Considering Yoda was far superior to Luke in Force-power, and yet even he could lift an X-Wing only very slowly, while Magneto routinely chunks tanks and planes and ships around, I would think Magneto wins.

Still, as a Jedi, Luke I am sure is equally adept with either hand, so the loss of one might not be a major inconvenience. We also learned during Empire that even a half-trained Jedi gets used to having big chunky blocks of metal flung at him, which is one of Magneto's favorite tricks.

The key question in this fight to my mind is, could Luke get close enough to Magneto to bring his light saber into play? If he can, I think Magneto's toast. He can throw up all the magnetic shields he wants, I doubt it's going to get in the way of a well-placed Jedi saber slash.

What do you think? Who would win, and why?

Go ahead, I dare you not to giggle.

Being a super-hero isn't all rose petals and adoring reporters. I mean, sure, Batman gets to be a multi billionaire and Superman gets to be good looking and invulnerable, but the ranks of the spandex-clad adventurer are filled with those less fortunate. That brings us to this week's question:

The idea here is that you get great powers, but with some significant downsides. It's easy to be a looker, but when you have to wander around all day looking like a hideous monster, that's a whole 'nother thing. So let's examine each of them in turn.

• The Hulk: To a degree, this probably depends on which of the Rainbow Ravager iterations you get. Different variations have the Hulk body and strength with the regular personality in charge. Others have a mindless, savage beast around full time, others part time, still others on a time share with the Rainbow Lantern Corps ("Paging one Red Lantern for residence in one Red Hulk, party of one!"). But fundamentally, you're going to be spending a large chunk of time not in control of a body that's not yours. That sounds like a bummer.
• The Thing: Ben Grimm's rocky figure, on the other hand, is around full time. The downside is that you look like one of the Muppets had a love child with a box of Captain Crunch. People fear you, no one understands your pain, and all you get out of the deal is the power to knock down buildings. And hang out with the smartest guy in the universe. Wait, what's the downside again? Oh yeah, your primary wardrobe is a big blue diaper, that's what.
• Fin Fang Foom: I just have this here because saying "Fin Fang Foom!" makes me giggle. Every time.
• Blok: He's a bit obscure, but Blok is one of the characters from one of the twelve dozen Legion of Super Heroes teams. He looks like a big pile of mobile lava in blue shoulder pads. You also have only four fingers on each hand and no nose. Plus, no chicks -- every other member of your race is dead. So, yay! On the other hand, you (meaning the you reading this) would get to have your mind and personality in the far future with all the cool gadgets and tech and planets to explore. All in an invulnerable body! So you won't ever get a girlfriend or boyfriend, it's not like that's SO different from how it is no, is it?!
• Beast: The worst part of the Beast is having to be played by Kelsey Grammer. No, wait, the worst part is the need to never be more than a few seconds away from a bidet -- all that fur gets nasty quick, folks. No, wait, the worst part is the constant moaning and whining you have to endure when you're around the Beast about how crappy his life is. But in this scenario YOU are the Beast, and you're not a whiner are you? I mean, you have your full intelligence (granted, that's not saying much in some cases), you are in command of your personality, you can jump around like a crazed spider-monkey, and you've got all kinds of super senses. Plus, let's face it, the guys who make the Mach 3 razor would pay you out the wazoo to endorse their product and would probably provide you with a team of personal shavers to ensure you stay sleek and smooth as a bouncy baby bottom.

I'd probably go with either The Thing or Blok, because I have a thing for sci-fi toys. Given that the Legion galaxy is big enough so you could go somewhere that the Fateful Five wouldn't find you, while The Thing can only hang out in the easily targeted Baxter Building, I'd go far future.

But what about you, what would you choose?