Category Archives: Versus

Two of the hottest archers in the history of film (and books!) square off in today's (well, Tuesday's, technically, but since I can't keep my days straight it's today) head-to-head "Versus".

Katniss Everdeen of "The Hunger Games" has smarts and guts in spades. She cares deeply about those around her and is willing to fight for her beliefs. Other people trust her and want to support her, especially when she's on fire. She's clearly an excellent archer with ample woodcraft. Also, her movie is currently out while Legolas', being more than a month old, has already been forgotten.

Legolas Greenleaf of "The Lord of the Rings", however, is an elf. He's thousands of years old, pale, lives in the perpetual gloom of a mighty forest, and ... wait, if this guy sparkles in sunlight I'm out of here. No? Phew! He's capable of astounding feats of agility, acrobatics, and courage. He can rapid-fire arrows while skateboarding on a shield and looking like solid hotness! He can scale and kill giant war-mammoths, he can use an arrow like a spear, and he has gloriously long blond hair. At the end of his story, unfortunately, he decides to give up on the planet and become a sailor. Or something, frankly the Silmarillion never made sense to me.

The point is, Legolas' elfin ass is going to bail on us, while good ol' human Katniss wants to save us all. For that alone, I go with Ms. Everdeen!

Make your case in the comments and cast your votes, folks!

Somehow my cinematic radar completely failed to register this film, which I feel certain is destined to be a classic:

Finally a movie that gets at some of the hard questions in life! If George Clooney had turned into either a ninja or a vampire in "Descendants" I could see how he'd be nominated for an Academy Award. After all, if movies can't make us think, then what good are they?

Which is where you come in to help solve this epic dilemma that has stumped philosophers throughout the ages. Which is it, and why?

One has atomic laser breath, huge size, and thick armored skin. The other has acidic saliva and a penchant for impregnating any living thing with its progeny. Can you imagine a Godzilla Xenomorph? Get Hollywood on the line, stat!

Obviously, part of this fight has to depend on numbers. If it's one alien versus Godzilla, then the alien loses. If we're talking a host of aliens swarming through the city then it might be more dicey. Since their saliva can cut through the most advanced metals future humanity has devised, I wouldn't be surprised if it also could harm Godzilla.

On the other hand, atomic laser breath.

So which is it, HeroMachine Nation? Who would win an epic battle between these two horror movie staples?

(Image via.)

Our Versus battle today features two titans of science fiction hunting bad-assery:

Both are killers, both are adept at hunting down prey, both are armed with roughly equal weaponry. Each is self-reliant, so we're talking a clean and simple one-on-one matchup without lots of extraneous hangers-on mucking up the battlefield.

I also like that each one hunts down their targets professionally, full time. This is what they do. Unlike some of our other Versus match-ups, we're not going to get a slugfest with two mighty warriors smashing each other's faces in. Well, probably. No, this is more likely to be a thinking-man's game of strike and counter-strike, trap and elude, ambush and counter-strike. I think it would be tremendously fun to see and I have no idea who would win.

That's why I look forward to your vote and your explanation -- who would win this matchup and why?

We've explored the question of which of these beloved, furry, huggably disgusting children's icons we would want to die, but we haven't ever asked the burning of which group would crush the other in an all-out head-to-head war. So now I ask you:

On the one hand, Ewoks defeated the Empire. Granted it was one planet and a small contingent, but still. Are you prepared to say that, since the Ewoks beat the Empire, if the Care Bears beat the Ewoks then the Care Bears could beat the Empire? The Care Bears? Granted, I would feel an unholy glee at seeing Darth Vader introduce the litte iconic cuties to the harsh edge of a light saber. And the confusion on Happy Fun Bear's face as he fails to fill Darth Maul with feelings of love and puppies with rainbows coming out of their butts would warm the cockles of my dark, shriveled heart.

Wait, what the hell am I talking about?

Oh yeah, the case for Ewoks. Right.

Ewoks have experience waging war against opponents who have superior weaponry. Also, Ewoks have weaponry. I'd like to see a Care Bear hug come face to face with the blunt end of a giant tree battering ram trap.

On the other hand, Care Bears have the power of love. Or something. I don't really know what those grinning rat bastards can do because I could never get through an entire episode without throwing up in my mouth. But maybe -- just maybe -- if we all clap hard enough, the Care Bears will win and through the power of their huggy love chunks would melt George Lucas' heart and he'll let someone else write and direct the next set of Star Wars films.

Lay out your case, folks, for who would win his epic battle. Because face it, no matter which group exterminates the other, we are the real winners.

With the advent of the latest "Ghost Rider" movie ("Powered by the Rage of Cage!"), I thought this might be a good Versus question for today:

You could make a very good argument that Spawn was just a motorcycle-less rip-off of Ghost Rider. They've got similar looks, similar powers, similar stories, and lots and lots of chains. And fire.

However, Ghost Rider has a motorcycle with flaming wheels, and therefore the point is moot -- he wins.

I dare you to refute my nerd logic!

Two titans battling it out in the heart of a major city, one atomic-fire-filled giant lizard and one space alien transforming robot! It's technology versus biology, West versus East, rubber suit versus CGI in a battle for the ages. Who will win? Only you can decide!

Lay out your case in the comments and may the vest best giant creature win!

All right, cross-continuity comics fans, I have a doozy for you this week:

That's right, it's the Ultimate Bastich himself, the motorcycle-riding tough guy Lobo against the God of Thunder himself.

Make your case as to who wins and why!

Our weekly Versus matchup brings us a colossal contest between a couple of confounding clowns of crime:

Both are, obviously, insanely evil. They care nothing for the death of innocent bystanders and they both have impressive armories of weapons. I would probably give the edge in planning to the Joker, but the Green Goblin seems deadlier in direct combat. On the other hand, The Joker's usually able to hold his own against arguably the world's greatest fighter, Batman, so you can't count him out.

Ultimately, I'd probably go with the Joker, since he's taken down his universe's greatest two heroes in Batman and Superman, while the Green Goblin usually only has to deal with Spider-Man. No slight to our webbed friend, of course, but he's not at a Kryptonian power level.

But that's just me, who would you choose?

Sorry so late today everyone, I'm still adjusting to the new schedule & job. But I think this is a good one!

(As you can see, I don't have PhotoShop installed on my work computer yet, so this is the best I could cobble together.)

This is a great instance of magic vs science. Can a light saber cut through magic-forged steel? Will the terror powers of the Dark Lords overawe the training of the Dark Jedi? Will the awesome facial tattoos of the Sith dominate the faceless masks of the Black Riders?

You decide!