Category Archives: Movies and TV

Star Trekkin'

Like a girdle-encased middle-aged gut topped by a ridiculous toupee kicking you in the face, JJ Abrams' "Star Trek" delivers the goods in spectacular, satisfying fashion.

The Good: The casting, the action, the acting, the spirit, the fun, and the special effects all come through with flying colors. The Holy Trinity -- Kirk, Spock, and McCoy -- in particular deliver performances that are truly inspired by (rather than a copy of) the original cast.

The Bad: The story is more full of holes than a Caddyshack golf course. Luckily it's enough fun that you don't really care.

The Ugly: Eric Bana's bland, utterly forgettable role as bad guy Nero.

More to follow after the jump (spoilers abound!).

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Poll Position: There can be only one … ok, two. At least.

I've noticed that when it comes to geek movies, sequels are often better than the original. Sometimes WAY better. Which brings us to this week's question:

{democracy:82}

Discussion after the jump.

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"Watchmen" now a Saturday Morning cartoon!

With many thanks to Runt82, I can't clap loudly enough for this amazing take on "Watchmen", coming soon to the small screen from DC Animation. Click on the big "Play Movie" link to launch it, but be sure to have your drool bucket handy because it is pure awesomeness. I hope "Bubastis Bites", the super-cool replacement for "Scooby Snacks", make it to my store soon.

I do plan on taking in the actual film tomorrow as soon as I can slip away, but in the meantime this scratches the itch nicely. Hope you enjoy it!

"Watchmen" interview

I read the following quote by "Watchmen" director Zack Snyder on CNN just now:

"The story itself is a pretty straightforward mystery," said Snyder, "but inside of that, there's this huge plot that has international intrigue and a super-villain and everything you want from a superhero story.

And it made me want to put my head through the wall. The "Watchmen" graphic novel is a "straightforward mystery" with a "huge plot that has international intrigue and a super-villain and everything you want from a superhero story" in the same way that "All in the Family" was a "straightforward sitcom" with "a cast of zany characters full of good-old-fashioned American hijinks and crazy situations and everything you want from a silly sitcom".

No no no no no no no. Like "All in the Family", "Watchmen" used the traditional conventions of a genre and turned them on their head to tell the story of interesting, conflicted, flawed, deeply human characters. My dad never realized Archie Bunker was making fun of racists -- he thought the part was straight-up and agreed with everything that came out of the character's mouth. He didn't understand the concept of irony any more than Zack Snyder does, judging from that quote. To walk away from reading "Watchmen" and to think that the plot and the super-villain were the most important bits is to completely miss the entire point. I cannot tell you how disheartening it was to read that. Gah.

I have a sinking sensation that this movie isn't just going to be bad, it's going to be epically bad. Categorically bad. Galacticaly bad. Bad in a way that slanders not just itself and its source material but the entire genre. My guess as to how this is going to turn out is best summed up in this "Bloom County" strip:

bloom-county-1

I sure hope I'm wrong, but everything I see gets me more and more disheartened. Zack Snyder completely does not understand this project. At all. I better bring a sponge with me to the showing because I have a feeling my eyes are gonna bleed. Blech.

Youngblood the Movie

With thanks to Collex for pointing this out, apparently Brett Ratner (the genius behind "X-Men: Last Stand" or, as I like to call him, the Joel Schumacher of the X-Men franchise) is slated to direct the movie version of Rob Liefeld's "Youngblood".

My favorite quote is "Ratner told Variety that “Most of the great graphic novels are gone, and ‘Youngblood’ is one of the few comicbooks left.”

In other words, all the good comics have been taken, so now we're stuck doing this crappy one.

Judging by "Last Stand", Ratner is the perfect director for a Liefeld property, with his innate grasp of all things flashy and shiny and disdain for anything approaching a coherent narrative or compelling character. Because the lesson to take from the mega-success of the Dark Knight film series is that stories and people don't matter, just flashy gadgets, babes with big boobs, and lots of violence. Right.

I can't decide if this news makes my day or ruins it, but I appreciate Collex pointing it out.

Retroview: Comic Book Villains (2002)

Comic Book Villains DVD coverI recently rented 2002's "Comic Book Villains" and I hated it, not because I felt insulted by their depiction of anyone who loves comic books and super heroes as pathetic, anti-social losers, but because I think entertainment in any medium should be a) entertaining and b) not crap.

"Comic Book Villains" failed on both scores.

Poorly written, poorly plotted, haphazardly acted, and offensive when not insufferably stupid, I found very little to like in this movie aside from a couple of good performances from actors who, frankly, should have known better than to take this job.

The plot was insipid, as if the worst parts of super-hero villains were tossed into a blender and only the most inane of their world-beating schemes allowed to escape. Nothing anyone did at any point made sense if you thought about it for more than a second. The characters' motivations were confused and at times self-contradictory.

I got the feeling the director couldn't decide what this movie was supposed to be, whether it was a dark comedy or a drama or an outright farce or what. Ultimately I was left with a feeling like "Fargo" had gone under the knife for unsuccessful reconstructive surgery, and what I was left with was a shambling horror with awful bits of its predecessor grafted onto its grotesque corpse.

OK, that's probably a bit over the top, but I really found myself getting angry while watching "Comic Book Villains" because it had many elements of a good movie. And none of them ever bore fruit. It was a very frustrating experience, and I can't recommend this film to anyone. For any reason.

Real life costumes

hero-gear-hardwire.jpg
(Image ©Hero-Gear.net.)

If you've ever wished your HeroMachine design could come to life in three large-as-life (which in my case is quite large indeed) dimensions, Hero-Gear.net can now make your dreams come true! I love that several of the designs were laid out in HeroMachine first, I feel like I've helped make the world a more colorful place.

I wonder if the people ordering these are just having a lark or if they really, you know, think of themselves as actual super heroes? If the latter, one would hope they'd have the sense not to send in their photo and testimonial as that's pretty much Rule Number One in the "How To Protect Your Secret Identity" manual.

Note that there's a separate manual for how to keep your secret identity secret if you're a movie super-hero instead of a comic-book super-hero. It only has one rule in it, though -- "Don't get a girlfriend, because it's mandatory for every single movie super-hero to reveal their identity to the first hot chick who locks lips with them."

Precogview: Why "Watchmen" will probably suck

I reread "Watchmen" last week to prep for the movie, and it only confirmed what I have long suspected, since the first time I heard they were making a movie out of it, actually:

Any "Watchmen" movie will suck.

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Hellboy II Review

"Better late than never" is my motto when it comes to movie reviews and employment, so in order to keep the latter I shall obey the former and offer up my belated review of "Hellboy II: The Golden Army". For those of you who, like me, have a short attention span, here's the one-sentence summary:

The great first half of "Hellboy II" makes it worth seeing on the big screen, but the slow and disappointing second half should make you catch a matinee instead of paying full price.

The full review is after the jump.

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Dark Knight review

Last weekend I was lucky enough to find myself in San Antonio with one of my best buds, Dave, going to not just one but two super-hero movies in the same night ("Dark Knight" and "Hell-Boy II"). Life, my friends, rarely gets better than good friends, good films, and Batman kicking people in the face. Which is exactly what I'm about to do, kicking out my review of "Dark Knight" for the two of you who have yet to see it. Quick summary of the review:

  1. More of a mob film that has silly outfits than a "super-hero movie".
  2. Batman rules, Superman drools (at least at the cinema).
  3. Heath Ledger's Joker: Best. Villain. Ever.
  4. Get off your butt and go see it already! It's now just below "Iron Man" on my "All-Time Great Super-Hero Movies" list.

Full review after the jump.

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