Category Archives: Bad Super Costumes

Being a fashion rebel sometimes is a good thing. But not in the case of Dark Horse Comics' 1991 character "Rebel":

That's right, dudes, for the cost of just a little flattery, this black-leotard-wearing, mullet-clad, ski-goggle-sporting flamer of love can be yours!

I can't decide if my favorite part of his look is the hair, the abstract white chest pattern, or the skull and cross bones over the stylized heart. Because why have a piratical skull and crossbones when you can have love and crossbones?! I'm trying to imagine a less scary insignia without resorting to bunnies or puppies, but I'm coming up blank.

I particularly love that the logo is repeated on his shins. I guess when you've got a good thing you've got to work it.

Props also to the writer of that second panel, because that is some crunchy dialog right there, folks. Entirely appropriate given his ridiculous getup, of course, but still, the next time some old fart tells you "They don't write 'em like they used to!", feel free to point to this panel as a reason why.

(Image ©1991, Dark Horse Comics, Inc.)

Today I am outsourcing "Bad Super Costume Wednesday" to our friends at UGO. Specifically, for this guy:

K. Thor Jensen's writeup pretty much says it all:

Adam X The X-Treme may be the most 90s superhero ever. His name even has "Extreme" in it, for God's sake. Check it off the list: backwards baseball cap? Goatee? Mullet? Mullet and what I guess are supposed to be dreadlocks but look more like pigtails? Spikes and sharp things everywhere? This guy probably got his powers from taking a bath in radioactive Mountain Dew.

Aside from pouches and the singular achievement of killing off comics for a decade, I think the greatest Image legacy is making pigtails on super-heroes normal. That's just so sweet.

An alert reader sent me Nightwing's classic costume for our "Bad Costume Wednesday":

But here's the thing -- I'm not so sure this is a bad costume. I mean, you can make fun of his long, flowing, romance-cover raven locks if you want, I suppose, but remember that this was an era in which Superman had a mullet. So you kind of can't totally blame the guy.

The big yellow glove wedges and giant glowing chest wing are perhaps not ideal for a night-stalker, but I don't think they look bad.

I kind of dig the stylized Bat symbol on the belt, I think it helps establish him as his own person without totally losing his history.

About the only thing I am not down with is the belt itself, which always bugs me when it's not actually holding up anything. But that's a pretty minor point.

Still, this particular alert reader has good taste and sound judgement, so I'm willing to concede I might be wrong on this. What do you think, was this a good or a bad super hero costume?

This is Benjamin Grimm, also known as the ever-lovin' Thing, as he was originally envisioned by the great Jack Kirby and Stan Lee:

He's a man whose body has been unwillingly transformed into a hulking, rocky, inhuman form. His soul aches to be normal again, even while the world runs in fear from his tortured visage.

This is the common pineapple, also known as a tasty fruit snack:

Now, I have nothing against tasty fruit, and I have in fact been known to indulge myself in the tart goodness the beloved pineapple brings to the palette on more than one occasion. I also am a fan of The Thing, who brings some great pathos and tragedy to the First Family of Fantasticness.

However, these two worlds should not meet. I mean, Ben Grimm can eat all the pineapple he wants, he just shouldn't become one. Unfortunately, at some point Marvel missed that memo:

Oh, I know, he's supposed to be spiky and extreme, because if Image Comics taught us anything, they taught us that pointy is cool. But it doesn't come off as savage or wicked or awesome. It comes off like pineapple. And no one fears pineapples. Though maybe that's what Ben wanted, maybe now he can open his massive arms and cry "Hug me, I'm fruity!" and the people will love him at last!

If so, I fear he's in for yet more disappointment.

Look, if you're going to continue the cosmic ray-induced metamorphosis of Mr. Grimm, turn him into an orange. He's already that color, after all, so it's not that much of a stretch. But a pineapple? Please.

Did you know that Rob Liefeld took a crack at redesigning the costume for Captain America rip-off "The Fighting American"? And it's so blatant and awful, I thought it was Cap when I wrote this article? Well, it's true. You might want to put on some sunglasses with anti-Suck-Glare coating before looking at this, I warn you:

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You might think the new movie "Battleship" represents some appalling new direction in "creativity", as it builds an entire movie on a game you used to play when you were five years old. But basing lousy ideas on games you used to like as a child with no relevance to the new medium is not a recent innovation. Oh no, my friends. For instance, there's Marvel's character "Quantum" who at one point based his visual identity on the game of "Jacks":

I do like the unintended(?) side-effect that if the jack was just a bit larger, all of his naughty bits would be covered. Then they could dispense with all other clothing, change him to a her, and have every single other super-heroine outfit!

Regardless, if you take the ill-advised creative direction of designing based on old games, and you're an adult male running around in spandex, you probably shouldn't go with a game that involves getting "picked up". I'm just sayin'.

It's no secret that I consider the West Coast Avengers to be the all-time worst-dressed team in comics history. They featured Iron Man in arguably his worst armor, the worst-dressed married couple in Hawkeye and Mockingbird, a cat woman whose "costume" was a plain blue bikini, and Lifetime Achievement Award in Bad Clothing winner Wonder Man.

Which explains why, if you're a super villain looking to make your mark on the world, you'd give yourself the power to absorb all of their bad fashion choices into one, all-encompassing Suit of Suckage:

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Valuable contributor ReaderKate sent in these arresting photos of the Starfire (aka "Not That One, the Other One"):

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I'm all for women feeling empowered enough to wear whatever they like, but there's a thin line between "sexy powerful" and "my son ran through my closet with a pair of scissors". A line Sue Richards clearly crossed here:

The matching chest and tummy cut-outs I understand. I mean, they look kind of stupid, but I understand that Marvel might have felt Power Girl's cleavage just left too much to the imagination and so had to one-up their rivals.

What I don't get at all, though, is the faux garter belts at both thigh and bicep. I can only assume Sue is using her powerful force field manipulation powers to hold them in place as some sort of homage to pointlessness.

Most confusing to me, however, is whatever is going on in the neck and shoulder area. You're already parading around in an outfit that that requires advanced super powers simply to stay on, yet somehow you feel the need for a high Victorian collar? And while your tummy and the area between your thigh and your naughty bits is perfectly all right to flash around, it's your shoulders that need covering up? Seriously?

Not to mention I also see no way that oval stays attached when its only connections to the rest of the outfit are the spandex suspender strap coming off her sports-bra-by-way-of-Victoria's-Secret.

Seriously, if she ever gets knocked unconscious wearing that thing and the force fields turn off, we're all in for a lot more visibility from her than we bargained for.

My main problem with Quasar's costume is the combination of the headpiece and the cape:

The cape portion covers his shoulders and upper chest, and looks full, heavy, and massive. Combined with the chin covering I feel like his entire top half is weighted down. Leaving off the crown to expose his hair adds to the confusion: though you'd think it would free up the claustrophobia, in a strange way it contradicts the feeling of the cape and creates some confusion, at least for me.

I do like how the interior of his cape reflects space, as if it's some kind of portal. But otherwise the colors and other bits lack imagination and style, leaving me a bit cold. Plus having bracelets on top of full gloves is weird, like my "two boots" aversion.

Overall I'd give Quasar a "C" for a couple of nice elements offset by a dull design and a suffocating top half. How about you, what would you say about this costume?