We've explored the question of which of these beloved, furry, huggably disgusting children's icons we would want to die, but we haven't ever asked the burning of which group would crush the other in an all-out head-to-head war. So now I ask you:
On the one hand, Ewoks defeated the Empire. Granted it was one planet and a small contingent, but still. Are you prepared to say that, since the Ewoks beat the Empire, if the Care Bears beat the Ewoks then the Care Bears could beat the Empire? The Care Bears? Granted, I would feel an unholy glee at seeing Darth Vader introduce the litte iconic cuties to the harsh edge of a light saber. And the confusion on Happy Fun Bear's face as he fails to fill Darth Maul with feelings of love and puppies with rainbows coming out of their butts would warm the cockles of my dark, shriveled heart.
Wait, what the hell am I talking about?
Oh yeah, the case for Ewoks. Right.
Ewoks have experience waging war against opponents who have superior weaponry. Also, Ewoks have weaponry. I'd like to see a Care Bear hug come face to face with the blunt end of a giant tree battering ram trap.
On the other hand, Care Bears have the power of love. Or something. I don't really know what those grinning rat bastards can do because I could never get through an entire episode without throwing up in my mouth. But maybe -- just maybe -- if we all clap hard enough, the Care Bears will win and through the power of their huggy love chunks would melt George Lucas' heart and he'll let someone else write and direct the next set of Star Wars films.
Lay out your case, folks, for who would win his epic battle. Because face it, no matter which group exterminates the other, we are the real winners.
