Yearly Archives: 2011

All too often the henchmen of our favorite sci-fi or fantasy universes go unnoticed, unloved, and unremarked-upon. But no longer, friends, for in this week's epic Versus matchup, we have two of the all-time great Henchraces to face off against each other!

{democracy:211}

The case for Stormtroopers is that their uniforms are really cool. And they're all clones, so they're all prone to the same strengths weaknesses strengths. Plus, they were awesome when they were Boba Fett. Finally, they've got Darth Vader and the Death Star backing them up, which totally doesn't suck.

When it comes to Klingons, it's all about the forehead. I mean, their weapons and savagery. Except when fighting slight, balding septuagenarian Federation Captains. Or kids. Or, really, anyone who fights back. How did they survive to conquer a sector of space again?! No no, I kid, of course. These guys are totally ferocious in battle, except for the actual fighting part.

In terms of space combat, the big advantage the Stormtroopers have over Klingons is that their Empire builds ships that can zoom around in three dimensions, while the Klingon Empire is stuck in the same one-plane, zoom up and blast away face to face paradigm that bedevils the Federation. Apparently Khan wasn't the only one limited to a pre-space mentality, Spock.

Stormtroopers can't shoot straight to save their lives, I suspect either because Jango Fett has a lazy eye or that Imperial blasters only have two settings: "Random" and "Scatter". Seriously, Luke just wanders around the hold of the Death Star during their escape, shots sprayed wildly around the entire chamber. Since he was then able to blow out the door controls with one hastily aimed attempt, I am going to go with "Lazy Eye Fett" as the explanation here. Of course, Stormtroopers are pretty much intended to be cannon fodder, so I can't really blame them for that.

Klingons have had their asses kicked by everyone in the galaxy, from the fearsome Borg to the aforementioned Jean Luc Picard. And that mean lady at the deli. Their aim seems to be a little better, and they're definitely superior when it comes to hand-to-hand combat against anyone under the age of five. If all else fails they can head-butt you with their turtle-shell faces, which is kind of a nice ace-in-the-hole.

In terms of individual combat, I'd go with Klingons over Stormtroopers.

If we're talking empire-vs-empire, I'd probably go with the Star Wars versions, as they seem to have superior technology and firepower behind them. I always felt like Federation-era spacecraft on all sides were very limited, especially compared to the freewheeling TIE fighters and massive Imperial Destroyers. Not to mention, of course, the Death Star. Which doesn't have to fear being holed by a one-time (ok, TWO time) trick shot down a handy porthole since Klingons ships only have one or two shots total to begin with.

But that's just me, who would you pick and why?