Yearly Archives: 2011

Death Hulk

When last we left our Lone Wolf, we had decided to walk forward with our hands up towards some soldiers. In other cultures this stance would be known as "surrendering", but since we are a Kai Lord we get to just say we happen to be walking unarmed towards potential enemies with our hands up, completely unarmed. That's totally different. So here's what happened:

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Next stop, Accounting. Guess you'll be on the Book Case then …

(From "Eagle Comics" number 2, 1941.)

Setting yourself up for failure

If you feel the need to wrap yourself up in bandages before heading into battle, the odds are good that you should not, in fact, be heading into battle at all:

Considering he had to add an eye patch, it would seem that advice was tragically too late for "Ammo". Oh well, at least if he gets shot in one of his pre-bandaged spots he can only see it with one eye. So that's nice.

(Hat tip to Myro for cluing me in to this guy.)

At least, not without dinner and a movie first, YAAARRR!

(From "Long John Silver" number 30, 1956.)

Only two days left for Friday Night Fights entries!

Don't forget, you must have your Friday Night Fights entries in to me by midnight this Thursday!

Rick 'em, rack 'em,
Rock 'em, ruck 'em,
Get out there and really ... TRUCK 'em!

That was a motivational cheer, by the way. I'm wearing a mini skirt and wielding pom poms but no way am I posting a photo.

Poll Position: Wolverine vs. Darth Maul!

I have to admit, these "versus" Poll Position questions have become my favorites, because they're so easy to write so much fun to see you all debate. I think this week we have a particularly interesting selection for you:

{democracy:200}

Both possess speed, reflexes, agility, strength, and stamina. Both have survived countless battles against a myriad of foes. Each wields blades that can slice through almost anything (except whatever they make Cloud City railings out of).

Darth Maul can of course bring Dark Force tricks to the table, meaning in theory he could grab Wolverine and throw him around the battlefield from a distance. He also fought two of the greatest Jedis in history to a virtual standstill (make that a literal standstill for all too many on-screen minutes while they waited for various force fields to go down). Plus, cool facial tattoos.

Wolverine, of course, has his ever-loving rapid healing factor. But that's more of a long-term bonus; for the purposes of a single engagement fight, it wouldn't really come into play since, even if he could survive being chopped in half eventually, by the time he was up and about, the fans are already back home and the popcorn is cold.

Maul's twin light sabers give him the advantage of reach, but would be a disadvantage if Wolverine could get in close enough.

I admit, I can't call this one, it's too close. I'll have to see which way the enraged geek spittle flies before I can decide. So have at it, folks!

Aye, it's $0.99 Fish Tacos for us all, huzzah!

(From "Long John Silver" number 30, 1956. I hope they have Long John Silver's fast-food restaurants where you are, or this joke makes no sense.)

Caption Contest 108: Aaaarrrrr!

Because I wanted to give everyone considering a "Friday Nights 3" entry an extra week to work on their submissions (remember, due Thursday!), and in honor of this being "International Talk Like a Pirate Day", we're running another Caption Contest this week instead of a character design challenge.

Thus, your scurvy challenge this week, ye salty sea dog, is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel or be keel-hauled!:

I don't know what kind of ship he's on with that pink skull emblem but I feel sure we'll find out.

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author's choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny!

This week we have a cap of no more than five (5) entries per person, so make 'em your best!

Caption Contest 107 Winner!

Wow, we had a lot of very funny entries for Caption Contest 107, thank you all for sharing your humor and wit! Here are some of the entries I thought represented the best replacement dialog for this panel:

  • ams: Objects may appear closer than they are!
  • Panner: Trapped in knife factory, send help!
  • Trekkie: Look out, there’s a knife heading towards you!
  • Gero: “What am I supposed to write here? Won’t he be dead when it hits him?”
  • McKnight57: Duck!
  • Frevoli: Iron Skull couldn’t see the point of dagger mail… then it hit him.
  • Frevoli: If undeliverable, please throw at the head of:
    Postmaster Dave
    231 CherrywoodLane
  • TopHat: Hey, could you give this knife to Daredevil for me? -Love, Bullseye
  • Sutter_Kaine: Using his uncanny reflexes, the Iron Skull manages to intercept the knife that would have otherwise missed him by several feet!
  • TheNate: EDITOR’S NOTE: Before the invention of Sticky Notes, mobsters used Stabby Notes.
  • TheNate: The mob delivers a sharply written reply.
  • the creator: ‘You have been poked’ regards, the Facebook team.
  • mashlagoo: Dear Friend, I am Prince Abdullah Saud. I have recently acquired money in the amount of $100,000,000.00 USD due to the death of my father. Because of a stipulation in his will, I need your help…
  • Bael: I was well accustomed to weapons bouncing off my head, but a note? That would have raised my eyebrows, if I had any.
  • Skybandit: “We have hostages and demand (continued on next knife)”
  • dblade: “Lucky for Iron Skull, there were a few indisputable truths in the universe: Paper covers Rock, Rock smashes Scissors, and Skull shatters Dagger.”

I thought the variety of approaches on this one was great, with some doing an "editor" style aside, others actual dialog from the character, and still others the actual text of the note. Good stuff!

I had a hard time picking a winner, so I ended up falling back on my old stand-by: Which ones made me laugh out loud the first time I read them? And the answer to that was ... Frevoli!

I counted two excellent puns and a cool new concept, "Dagger Mail". I can't wait to get my first letter. Also, ironically Frevoli's prize for his last Caption Contest win, and today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day! That's gotta be some kind of karma.

Anyway, Frevoli, let me know what you'd like for your prize, congratulations to the Finalists above, and thanks to all the others who entered but who I couldn't paste in due to space constraints. That was a fun one!

Wink + pink drapes = Do NOT take the "cabin boy" job

(From "Long John Silver" number 30, 1956.)