Yearly Archives: 2011

Will we EVER get off this *&%$@ ship?!

Our interminable adventure on the high seas battling undead continues from last week, when we opted to charge the tower of the dread sorcerer on the floating ship of doom:


Coward! These sorcerer types, they always talk a big game and throw around a lot of flashy effects, but when it comes time to bare steel they disappear in a flash of smoke. Jerks.

Of course, maybe that's because in the finest D&D tradition, magic users only have like two hit points. Still, it's quite unmanly.

So what'll it be this time, intrepid adventurers? Do we seek out a friendly ship to continue our naval assault, or do we give chase to our yellow-bellied foe?

[polldaddy poll="5601860"]

Sushi bars make bad first date destinations

(from "Weird Comics" number 1, 1940.)

Sadly, this IS your Daddy's Halo

People under the age of 30 think of this when they hear the name "Halo":

Those of us over the age of 30, however, are not so fortunate. This is our Halo:

I know who I'd rather have in a firefight, and it's not the one with the look that says "My kid spilled crap all over my tablecloth and all I got was this stupid costume." When your outfit's best feature is that it looks like you stole Ronald McDonald's socks, you're in trouble.

But hey, sometimes a super-hero that doesn't work on the page will really pop in real life, and ...

Oh dear. Surely there's something better in her closet that she could put on instead of ...

Clearly our best hope is that Master Chief will come along and force-dress her into combat armor. She ought to be used to it, since that outfit definitely qualifies as a walking assault on our fashion sense.

(Many thanks to ReaderKate for sending this one along!)

Great moments in slightly odd threats

(From "Weird Comics" number 1, 1940.)

Aquaman Vs. Namor

The seas are a-boil and the waves are a-crashing as we witness a titanic confrontation between the kings of their world's seas!

{democracy:204}

Depending on what version of Aquaman you go with, he's either got a ginormous metal hook instead of a hand, or a hard water hand, or just, you know, a regular hand. While originally unable to live outside of water for more than an hour, in later years he's fully capable on land. He's the king of Atlantis (again, depending) and isn't afraid to go out in public wearing scaly orange tops and footie PJs.

Namor has a wicked cool widow's peak thing going on, complementing big elf ears. No matter which version you go with, he has itty bitty wings on his feet, which, let's be honest, make no sense at all in any way. How many fish have you seen with feathery wings?! The answer is "none", unless you count that one time I accidentally hooked a sea gull while casting and temporarily used it as bait. On the fashion front, Namor's so buff he isn't afraid to go out in public wearing nothing but a European style banana hammock. A scaly European style banana hammock, which I don't think even Europeans are brave enough to do. I like to envision a future where he and Sue Richards finally get married and Namor lets himself go, whereupon their kids stay permanently invisible to avoid the embarrassment of being seen on the beach with "Dad" and his gigantic paunch heaving over the sides of that mankini.

Both are super tough, both are super strong, and both are used to being literally kings of all they survey. Aquaman can talk to aquatic life, but Namor can fly.

I'd probably put my money on Namor just because, come on, Aquaman, but I hope you'll be able to provide a good argument for your own choice. So have at it!

Worst. Tanning booth attendant. Ever.

(From "Weird Comics" number 9, 1941.)

Character Contest 74 Winners!

Many thanks to everyone who entered Character Contest 74 - Libra! This was the last of our Zodiac challenges, and I appreciate everyone's patience as we worked through its highs and lows.

Before getting to our Finalists this week, I wanted to be sure to highlight the great work of Mark's "Zodiac Commandoes", his -- and I quote him here -- cheap GI Joe knockoffs. I've had a lot of fun seeing each new team member every month, and it's great to see the entire squad assembled. Thanks for the good times, Mark!


I love the drill gun she's holding, that thing's awesome.

And now, our other finalists for this week! Note that as usual, you can click on most of these images to see it at the original, larger size.

Continue reading

Caption Contest 110: The Bear and the Pussycats

Your challenge this week is to come up with the funniest replacement dialog for the following random comics panel:

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author's choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny!

This week we have a cap of no more than five (5) entries per person, so make 'em your best!

NOTE: The UGO Forums are down at the moment so the results of the last Character Design Contest will be delayed, my apologies.

Too late!

(From "Weird Comics" number 9, 1941.)

Must be orbiting the Dog Star

(From "Weird Comics" number 9, 1941.)