Monthly Archives: April 2009

Heaven knows the 1970's were a black hole of bad fashion, but I don't think most people appreciate that in many ways, the Eighties were even worse. Luckily we have Black Thorn around to remind us of that fact:

If you've ever wondered why so many men started shaving their heads in the Nineties, you've got this sort of Eighties "Perm From the Black Lagoon" to thank -- after seeing that horror, we all just decided that bare was better. I can only shudder at the man-hours wasted primping, crimping, and styling that mess. I bet she leaves grease spots on the windows of the Mystery Van when she naps.

Oh, wait, that's Scooby Doo -- my bad.

Regardless, the hideous green ski shades don't help any. Maybe they're sharpshooter specs, although I thought those were yellow. At least then they'd go with the giant banana peels she's got instead of a cape, and the ginormous pineapple slices she's using as bracelets. I suspect her secret identity is somehow tied in to the Dole family of fruit-related products.

I can almost forgive the purple leather fetish gear that semi-clothes the rest of her figure, although I honestly don't understand it. Why would you cut out the side of your outfit? Why would you leave bands around your biceps? Why would you wear capri-length pants and then, by the name of all that's holy, put white tube socks underneath them? It's a good thing she's dating the detective Vigilante, because someone needs to figure out who foisted this horrendous design on her.

And then she needs to use that massive pistol to shoot him dead. Because no one should be forced to dress like that, not even refugees from the Eighties.

(Character & Impage ©DC Comics, Inc.)