The "Rogue Superman" question seemed to go over, so we'll jump to the other side of the Comic Book Publishing world and pose the same question about another high-powered fellow:
Discussion after the jump.
First of all, I think the issue of time is key on this one. With the Superman question, you didn't have to rely on immediate action. You could have a Batman or a Doctor Doom plan ahead for the confrontation, but in this one you've got a crisis on your hand that needs solving right away. I think that changes things significantly. Having said that, let's take a look at the options.
- Batman: Everyone was keen on Batman vs. Superman, but I wonder how enthusiastic they'll be now that we're talking about something you haven't seen in comics before. The Hulk has no kryptonite-like vulnerability to exploit here, so I question how effective Bats would really be. All the cleverness in the world doesn't help if you're flattened by a building, you know? Still, he IS The Goddam Batman, you'd think he'd be able to come up with something.
- Green Lantern: If I were GL, I'd create an air-tight bubble around Hulk and wait for his oxygen to run out. I don't know if he needs to breathe or not, though, so that might not work. Barring that, I don't know if Hal's willpower is stronger than the Hulk's rage. I suppose he could fling the Big Green Hitting Machine into outer space, but I bet Hulk could tag him with a big chunk of rock before they got too far up. Should be an interesting fight, though.
- Hellboy: Guy gets his own movie sequel, he earns consideration on these mighty questions. Frankly, I think Hellboy gets his ass kicked in this fight, magic stone fist notwithstanding. Maybe he could put Hulk's eye out with his stogie first, though.
- Iron Man: I know Tony has had to go up against Hulk in the comics before, and as I recall it didn't go well. Stark's problem is that he's a genius, but his fights are always about brute strength. It's an odd combination. But I don't think any purely technological solution is going to beat an angry Bruce Banner.
- Juggernaut: I bet this fight would be really, really dull. Unstoppable force and immovable object and all that. But ultimately I think Hulk would be able to rip that magical helmet right off his head and it'd be all over but the smashing.
- Martian Manhunter: I left Superman off the list on purpose because, let's face it, Supes can do anything. But the Martian Manhunter is an often-overlooked Superman substitute, and I'd be curious to see what he could do. He's clever, but that fire vulnerability is a Bad Thing when Hulk's rampaging through a major metropolitan area with all those yummy gas mains. Still, I think he'd have a shot.
- Mister Miracle: I put Scott on here purely for his cleverness. I know that given enough time he could devise a fiendish trap that would keep the Hulk either bottled up forever, or get him so confused he'd turn back into Banner, but I don't know if in this scenario he'd have the time to put together something like that. On the other hand, as the Master of Escapes, at least he'd stand a good chance of getting away once he failed.
- Thor: I'm sure someone will fill me in if (as I'm sure it has) this has come up in the comics before, but I'd love to see what Thor would do against Hulk. In terms of pure strength he's probably the mightiest guy on the list; I just don't know if brute force is enough to get this job done, you know?
- Wolverine: No chance. Love ya, Logan, but you'd be well advised to sit this one out at a bar, even if you'd eventually heal from the massive beat-down you'd be getting.
- Wonder Woman: I don't think anyone really knows just how powerful Wonder Woman is, but let's be frank. The only interesting thing about this matchup is whether or not Hulk could break that magic lasso. I'd also like to see him fling a mountain through the Invisible Jet which, for my money, is one of the stupidest super hero devices ever.
So given all that, after due deliberation (and demands for a raise from whoever's hiring me to make these decisions), I'd probably have to go with ... Thor. When all else fails, keep a god in your pocket. At least, that's my motto. But I don't know if I'd put money on it, Hulk's pretty much an elemental force of nature.
Who would you pick? And be prepared to defend your answer!
