Mashup 3: Ranker than baked sewage

Posted on March 17, 2008 by | Comments Off on Mashup 3: Ranker than baked sewage

This week's "Random Monday Mashup", featuring one panel only from each of ten randomly selected comic books, begins in a seedy London bar with a conversation between a bartender and a thrill-seeking young motorcycle salesman named Tommy:

To speak plainly, I seek the legend of the vampire

But the gregarious barkeep will have no such depressing talk!

Feeling pissy, huh? Heh, I know what you need.
Hey, Tommy.

Whatever Tommy might need, Billy "Six Pack" Hacken with his hand down his pants is not it. He decides to show the squat little man to the nearest exit:

This is a door, you pull this handle here, see.

Waiting on the other side of that door, however, is someone Tommy never expected to see again, announced by England's tallest cross-dresser:

Welcome, Eleanor, Queen Lady of England.

The other garishly-costumed bar patrons gasp in disbelief, for Eleanor Rigby had died in a church where her wedding had been!

No. No more Tricks. You are dead.

This vampy queen is certainly no corpse, however, and -- as Tommy quickly realizes -- is far more interesting than either vampires or hairy fat men in foolish costumes. He makes his move.

We never go out with bikers or bike dealers.

The queen quickly relents, however, after letting Tommy twist in the wind a bit.

My poor poor love.

Not wanting to get things over with too quickly in his excitement, Tommy has a quick imaginary conversation with his over-eager little "friend":

Stay calm John, this is too much all at once, even for ME!

But it turns out the super-powered drunken bar patrons had been right all along -- Queen Eleanor Rigby had indeed died, only to come back as a horrible Vampire! With Tommy in her clutches, she reveals her true nature:

Good thing I dont have a sense of smell, bet your breath is ranker than baked sewage.

And so the evening draws to a close, with Tommy having unfortunately found the vampire he sought, much to his ultimate dismay. Let that be a lesson, kids -- never slink around in super-hero bars trying to pick up undead chicks. It never ends well.

(Comics featured in this week's Mashup are, in order:

  1. Necroscope, Issue 2, ©1993, Malibu Comics Entertainment, Inc. This issue came with a free skull tattoo. Neat!
  2. Hitman #9, ©1996, DC Comics.
  3. Hitman #11, ©1997, DC Comics.
  4. Hitman #13, ©1997, DC Comics. By the way, this issue features an entire zombie aquarium. Good stuff.
  5. The Black Dragon, #5, ©1985 Chris Claremont and John Bolton.
  6. The Flash, #131, ©1997 DC Comics.
  7. Vamps, #4, ©1994, DC Comics.
  8. The Black Dragon, #3, ©1985 Chris Claremont and John Bolton.
  9. The Flash, #116, ©1996 DC Comics.
  10. Scarlett, #11, ©1993, DC Comics.)

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