Category Archives: Bad Super Costumes

Jack "King" Kirby had a very distinctive style, one that (love it or hate it) worked for the kinds of stories he told. You can tell at a glance a character that Kirby designed, and when put into one of his worlds those characters fit, no matter how ridiculous they might look in isolation. As an example, take a look at his New God, "Orion":

The guy's wearing magical flying slippers powered by hand-held vacuum cleaners, for pity's sake! Yes, it's a temporary transport device, but he wore it an awful lot.

Besides being literally harnessed to a massive metal contraption guaranteed to make him wobble like a Weeble and dressed in the ubiquitous circus trunks popular Back In The Day, the fact is, this guy rocks. When powered by Kirby's frenetic, kinetic, masterfully laid out pages, he almost jumps off the page and makes you believe someone in this ridiculous getup could actually be a bad-ass.

Contrast that with this Orion redesign from the Nineties:

On the one hand, the ironworks are gone and he's in something that looks slightly more mainstream. On the other hand, you have pointless giant metal head fins. What is he, a 1959 Cadillac Eldorado? The ginormous shoulder pads would restrict his movement even more than the harness would have, and in return you have a somewhat jarring primary blue, red, white, and yellow cacophony all mashed together.

I'm not sure if that ... thing ... hanging down from his belt is a mud flap, a loin cloth, a massively over-engineered cup, or just compensation for the fact that he's wearing a skirt, but it looks way too phallic to be taken seriously. Especially when combined with the nonsensical boots.

I've avoided talking about that face, because technically that's not really a costume part. But let's get real, that's insane. I mean, Orion has a penchant for fury and rage in battle, that's kind of his thing, but in this case he looks less like a berserker and more like someone desperately seeking a bathroom. Which may explain the huge yellow cloud of gas emanating in the background ...

Either way, this costume redesign stinks! You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask of the ol' Lone Ranger and you don't mess around with King Kirby.

(Images © DC Comics.)

When I think of "aquatic super character", the image of bad Eighties Hair Bands like Whitesnake and Poison immediately comes to mind. Because nothing says "sleek, aquiline, water-based power" like wild, out of control locks with tons of fixative, a connection not lost on a Nineties-era Marvel Comics desperate to catch up with Image in being EXTREME!

I mean, just look at your water-born powerhouses in nature, like killer whales and great white sharks and even the sleek, clever dolphin. They ALL have big hair. And spikes. And massive amounts of metal guaranteed to plummet them directly to the bottom, where they'll stick in the sea floor like an out-of-control game of Lawn Darts.

Seriously, can you imagine actually swimming in that thing? I think they must have gotten the inspiration for the intricate scroll work from recovered shipwrecks, but the thing is, those ships were designed to float on the water, not swim in it.

But just in case lots of spikes and big hair and brooding eyes and a daunting pose weren't EXTREME enough for what Marvel must have seen as its dim-witted readers, they were sure to include chains and skulls in the details. Nothing's more EXTREME than skulls! Unless it's a chain-linked thong of scales. I know when I see a fish in a thong, I'm immediately intimidated.

My favorite bit, besides the dark and brooding face (reminiscent of a Sinestro-Dark Elf love child) is the big arm gauntlet. I know that if I were considering a career in surface-conquering, I'd want some kind of glove that completely immobilized my wrist. Now that's EXTREME!

(Many thanks to reader Dan for sending this in! Image and character are ©Marvel Comics.)

It seems like every Wednesday when I sit down to do my Bad Super Costume post, a new set of stills from the latest comics set is released instead, so I find myself talking about that.

Sure enough, more photos from "The Man of Steel" filming are out, and I have to say a lot of my big concerns from last time have been allayed. I'll just post them all and then comment afterwards:

My big beef with the costume originally was the lack of separation between the upper and lower portions. But in these shots you can see they have a fair bit of what I'm calling "Kryptonian flair" going on that really helps. I like the way they've made the tunic taper down into a belt buckle/fastener -- the edging along the bottom of that serves as a de facto belt and does provide some separation, particularly when you consider how it'll look all big and juicy on the screen.

Speaking of looking big and juicy on the screen, I am betting the explanation for the super crotchetorial region is an integrated cup. Which is actually a pretty good idea. Or would be, if you didn't have Nuts of Steel.

In the second shot, from the side, you can see more of the Kryptonian flair wrapping around to reinforce the whole faux belt notion. I also like the wraparound leg piping, that provides some needed relief in the lower body. The wrist cuffs do the same for the arms.

In the last shot, where they're debuffing his head, I think you get a good sense for some of the subtle muscle modeling they've done in the costume. Cavill's already pretty buff, but this definitely enhances the necessary super beefiness you expect out of the character. The built-in hex texture also works pretty well in my opinion.

Ultimately I actually find myself liking this. I'd still prefer a bit more color in the belt area, but that's a fairly minor nit. Overall I think this is a good compromise between the classic primary color spandex and the necessities of showing a real human being on the big screen.

What are your thoughts?

(Images via Project Rooftop. Which is the best super costume redesign site on the Net, if you don't have it bookmarked already, get busy!)

I don't want to sound like an Anglophile here, but dizzam this is some funny stuff!

While many of our Bad Costume entrants are seriously lame, Cow-Pie Man is humorously bad on purpose, in the process showing what a Bad Super Costume means better than words ever could. The underwear on the outside of the pink baggy leggings, the bowl on his head, the towel, and of course the name which, logo of a big pie of meat and horns notwithstanding, in the actual American West means a steaming pile of manure, all force me to conclude that this character is Grade A Awesome.

I tip my hat to you, British Isles, for once again proving that you are second to none when it comes to humor. I look forward to the day when an American film company will option the rights to this character, change his name, make him serious, cast Will Smith in the role, and spend a hundred million dollars to produce an overwrought, incompetent, uninteresting bit of pablum that completely loses everything fun in the original.

In a scene with three haircuts this bad, you know a costume has to be pretty darn epic to stand out as the worst. Luckily, Supergirl delivers:

Either out of envy for Superman's super mullet or sympathy for Lex Luthor's hair fleeing from his gnarly scalp like rats deserting a sinking ship, Supergirl has accompanied her heavy metal album cover costume with a set of thrasher hair right out of a "White Snake" video. Maybe she's hoping it will prove so distracting that no one will notice how her outfit is.

Get ready to have your hopes dashed on that score, my friend!

I cannot imagine how applying gigantic metal spikes to your upper arms could help you in a fight, even if you weren't super strong or invulnerable. Assuming you can keep your cape from hanging up on them (or flat out getting cut to shreds), what kind of bizarre WWF hold do you have to get someone in for those things to even come into play, much less be effective?

Although, maybe that's why her hair is so ragged. Maybe she's flying around at super speeds, long blonde tresses wafting about, when suddenly SNIKT! The blades devastate that do like a "Slap Chop" gone rogue.

Setting that aside, just look at the aesthetics of this costume, starting with the strange muscle-shirt tunic. I imagine her flying in front of the criminal du jour, pronouncing "Check it out! I got two tickets to the gun show!" Then grunting as she flexes over and over.

What really throws me, though, aside from the bizarre haircut and useless metal spikes are the boots. If your footwear is so badly designed that you need two wide-ass metal bands to hold them up, then you have some bad footwear. It's a bizarre effect. She looks like some drug-addled refugee from a bad Eighties hair band, not a powerful super-heroine bent on saving the world.

Although, maybe this iteration of Supergirl had a secret identity as a hairdresser, and in fact she's in a towering rage because a) her arm blades have diced up her boots and hair and sleeves, and b) at least two crimes against coiffure are being committed in this room.

I'm sure someone will come along to tell us how this was really a master plan by DC to show how silly the excesses of the Nineties anti-hero fashion conventions were, but don't let them fool you -- this just flat-out sucks.

(Image and characters ©DC Comics. Thanks to X-Stacy for pointing this travesty out to us.)

In 1959, the fashion world was assaulted by the revolutionary pants concept known simply as "Sansabelt", meaning slacks with elastic waistbands sewn in so fatties like me could wear pants without a belt. I can only think that Azrael, who took over when Batman's back was broken, is the heir to the vast Sansabelt fortune, because that's the only way I can make any sort of sense out of this outfit:

Clearly, he not only has a belt, he has a huge yellow pouchy belt full of pouchy pouchiness. How he ever gets anything out of the pouch in the small of his back, I don't know.

So this isn't your classic Sansabelt treatment, but one simple fact, I believe, puts it in that realm -- there's no buckle. Not only no buckle, but literally nothing but his rock-hard abs holding that sucker in place.

That raises the deep philosophical question of whether a belt is a belt if there's no buckle. How much of the requisite belt components can be missing before something stops being a belt? And how many divinely inspired Bat agents of death can dress up in ridiculous outfits without killing sales?

These are the kinds of issues that keep us deep thinking comics writers up at night, folks.

Now, I realize that the more literal of you will say something like "Duh, Jeff, the belt is bolted onto the armor." Which would cause me to reply, "Why would any sane person do that?" What's the point of a belt if not to hold your pants up? Were the thigh pouches not sufficient for holding the keys to the Batmobile?

Look, I get that this was a one-off kind of a thing, a temporary substitute Batman for a specific kind of character and time. But this whole thing is just silly looking. From the massive neck armor to the ridiculous wristless gloves to the hippy-dippy floppy-poppy leg streamers to the massive shoulder armor leading down to a completely unprotected crotch, this ensemble is nothing more than an ode to the excesses of the Nineties in super hero costume design. "Make it armored! And EXTREME! With pointy bits and pouches!!"

Ugh. I bet Bruce Wayne healed his back just so he could have the privilege of getting back into a decent costume and kicking this guy's ass for spoiling a hitherto uninterrupted string of sartorial success.

(Image and character ©DC Comics, Inc.)

Today I am pleased (horrified?) to give you what may be the worst costume I have ever seen. In a delicious twist of irony, it is worn by Kitty "Pryde", though after being forced to appear in public like this she probably changed that last name to "Weeping Shame". Witness the devastation, my friends:

I'll give you a moment to recover your eyesight and your sanity.

Better now? OK, off we ... wait, get that bucket in front of you, stat! Phew.

My theory is that this Kitty is actually a twisted alternate-reality love child of Sixties-Era Marvel Girl and Dazzler, whose mutant X-Factor is sartorial suckage. There's just no way an unpowered human could come up with something that bad. I mean, I'm counting eight colors in this outfit, and not one -- not one out of eight! -- is good. From the metallic gold unitard to the spoiled-tomato red to the actinic blue to the baby-vomit green, it's a non-stop chromatic assault on the eyes.

In fact, so thorough is the awfulness that I I bet those lime-green shorts are made of parachute material so the constant shush-shush sound they make with every step can irritate even the unsighted. When you go to that much effort to offend the senses, you don't want to leave anyone out.

If you can get past the ghastly colors (and if you can, you deserve a medal), you realize the actual item choices themselves are even worse. Thigh-high leg warmers? In three-color stripes? Capped by neon-yellow and blue roller skates?! That's so hideous I believe it caused a ripple in the time-space continuum, sending reverberations into the future, engendering a subconscious gag reflexive response resulting in the proliferation of leather spike-heeled thigh boots (see Frost, Emma).

So that's one positive thing to come out of this, I suppose.

And why the hell does Kitty Pryde -- whose power is to become immaterial, I remind you -- have lightning bolts streaking down her odd scoop-necked vest? Can you think of anything less stealthy than lightning bolts?

Not that she's sneaking up on anyone in that costume, of course. Insubstantial or not, I think even the walls would reject someone dressed like that from coming anywhere near them, much less passing through.

(Today's Bad Super Hero Costume comes to us by way of reader Aren, who I both thank and curse for showing it to us. The image is, of course, ©Marvel Comics. Though I bet they wish they didn't have to claim this one.)

I've theorized before that comics creators sometimes draw inspiration from objects lying around the room where they're drawing. Apparently whoever created Changeling was inspired one morning while shaving, because I swear that's a massive purple Norelco razor on his head:

Seriously, that may be the single worst piece of headgear I've ever seen. And I've read Jack Kirby comics! What's his tag line, "I warn you, I have THREE floating heads to shave you even closer"? Not to mention, if he ever falls down on his head really hard, that back spike is going to get him pinned to the ground in pretty short order. Maybe that's why he has twin jet nozzles on the side, for that extra bit of oomph needed when arising.

I also like to think that the giant Thor-like discs on his chest are actually big screw heads, likely for the purposes of cleaning out his lint trap. A razor that big, especially with three floating heads, is going to collect a lot of stubble. He probably keeps all his cleaning supplies (lubricating oil, screwdriver, lint brush, etc.) in his purple European man-bag, because you don't want those things getting dirty or rusty. Otherwise, the next time he tries to defeat an enemy by running his helmet over their chin, never actually cutting them thanks to the safety mesh, the gears might jam and then he'd really be in trouble.

(Character and image © Marvel Comics.)